Yesterday we lost Eric Ware, one of our longest serving branch members. At 74 years of youth, Eric was supporting Leeds United and travelling away, way before most of us, and continued to hold his season ticket and travel when he could, right until we were stopped by bat flu. Eric was there from the very beginnings of the branch, travelling on the old Pynes and Murgy’s buses. He was there in Paris in ’75, he racked up many, many football miles in a time when travelling by coach was realistically, the ONLY option because trains and cars, simply was not. It might seem very easy to book your seat on trainline nowadays. You can get yourself to London, see the game and get back for a couple of pints in Leeds, long before most of the late night revellers have even left home to go into town. It wasn’t so easy in the old days. Even in the 90s and early 2000s, cheap reliable train travel was hard to find, and depending on who you were travelling with, might not have been much fun.

Unlike the song, Leeds fans don’t look back in anger. Anyone who has been a long standing, long suffering Leeds fan, can only look back in honour at what has happened to us in the last three seasons of Bielsa.

At the last monthly branch meeting that we were allowed to hold, I had a chat with Eric about what he thought about Bielsa and the football we were playing. 

Those of you who knew Eric, will know that he loved Leeds United, and he loved talking about Leeds United. Eric could talk the hind leg off a donkey. He remembered all the games he’d been to and had so many stories of following Leeds over the decades. Stories now lost, but those of us who heard him speak about the old days, will treasure them. That evening he was so excited about the football we were watching. The team were playing as a team, and he said it was like watching them in the old days, how football should be played.

And Eric is not the only one who has said this. Most, if not all the pundits on SkyTVis f**kings**t, have come out with this comment. Begrudgingly to start off with, but the likes of Souness, Merson, Carragher, Neville, Hinchcliffe et al are all reading from the same page nowadays. I can’t really speak about BT Sport or Amazon, as I haven’t really seen much of their games. I know some woman who nobody knew said something and because she got slated for it, she got a bit upset and then people jumped to her defence. But, there’s very few who haven’t subscribed to Bielsa Ball.

My point being, everything that Bielsa has done to this team in the last 2 years and 8 months is harking back to the old days. The Old Leeds, and not just on the pitch either.

The game he plays is his way. 

Measured and dictated by facts and figures of the opposition. He researches every team (and makes no secret of it) , just like Revie did. The team plays as a team with no big personalities or individuals. Each man mucks in, the embodiment of Billy’s “side before self – everytime”. Each player battles to the very end of the game. They cover for each other so no gaps are left. Like Bamford’s clearance last night in front of goal, even though Meslier was behind him, he kept his keeper safe. It’s been said time and time again this season, we play as a team.

Yet Bielsa remains a humble man.

His quote this week “I am managing in the Premier League because of Leeds” or something like that. He is so respectful of the fans, because he recognises how important we are. He replies to his letters personally and continues to thank us for supporting our Club. He acts like he is doing it for us – the fans.

In a previous blog, years ago it seems, I made this very wish, the hope that we would finally get a manager and a team (and a club) who would give us, the long suffering fans, the respect that we deserve. After all win, lose or draw , we are the best fans in the world!

And this takes me to my point. We should look back in honour.

This week, Boris announced that we might get into the last game of the season. It sparked off massive debate about who gets to go into ER for the first time in a year – well, it’ll be more like 15 months by the time we physically get in. There were people saying it should just be a ballot, some saying it should be just loyal season ticket holders, some saying everyone should get a chance. The “newer” fans preferring the open ballot system of course. 

If it was left to me, if I got given the chance to go in, I would have surrendered my ticket to Eric. Just like I have done previously, I will do it again. Because there are people who deserve to watch Leeds United more than me. The likes of Eric, who have followed Leeds all their lives. The Chairman, Charley Megginson, we may jest with, but you cannot deny his loyalty and his commitment. There’s others like Phil Beeton, both Little and Big Mick Hewitts, many devotees, who deserve to be in the queue way ahead of me.

I cannot see anyone agreeing with me, and this is will be a hotly debated topic of discussion, just like the away tickets discussion, which incidentally seems like a lifetime ago now. But if we have learnt anything from the last year, it is that life is short. The odds of going to one more game is considerably higher for a 30 year old than it is for a stalwart of the Revie era. This might be their last chance for those 65+ ones who actually saw Billy, Norman, Jack, Trevor and Terry play. Many might not want to go to the game for medical reasons etc. but I hope the Club will just give those long standing, loyal fans that one chance in the summer.

Similarly with the redevelopment of ER.

We all know we need a bigger stadium. The facilities are a bit rubbish in the Kop and West Stand, compared with the “Magnificent New” East Stand (younger readers look it up!). The extra investment from the 49ers has been secured and the plans that were drawn up a season or so ago for a “Citeh” style ground / training ground / sports and leisure complex may be getting nearer and nearer. The board has already said they don’t want a lifeless “identikit” stadium like the Riverside or Reebok or Stadium of Light (not the famous one in Benfica), but they would like something that reflects Leeds United. 

I hope they do look back in honour and give the older fans, some input into what they would like in the new ER. After all, they were the ones who have such vivid memories of our famous history, Paris in 75, Salonika, the atmosphere in ER during the Revie Era. The ones who sat on the roof of The Peacock for that midweek Cup game in the 70s. Even the people like me who were there for those European nights in the glory days of the Champions League.

I’m not saying get a draughtsman into a room full of old codgers and go from there, but I am saying that iconic grounds grow from memories that are imprinted from a proud history. No one is ever going to say “oh remember those nights at under the famous floodlights at the JJB” are they? They’ll remember the stabbing risk outside shaky Ayresome Park, the odd hotch potch stands at the Baseball Ground or even the bogs at Oakwell,  before that. Those European games in the Champions League under the lights of the “Magnificent New” East Stand were kind of special. For me, Jimmy’s hat trick at Monaco – now that was a spectacular ground, even if I can’t remember very much about it.

I’ve heard noises about a walkway on the new roof and whilst it sounds great, it would be much more dramatic to do that at St James Park (the original one) overlooking Newcastle and the Tyne, than a view across Beeston, Holbeck and the M62. That’s my thoughts anyway. But who’s to know, the redevelopment of Matthew Murray might look spectacular. It would be even better if Leeds City Council would seriously consider putting a train station in / or linking up the old tracks so there’s a direct link between the new Leeds Bradford Airport and ER for all those Scandinavian and Irish fans. Now wouldn’t that be a good idea? Maybe a partnership agreement between Leeds Bradford Airport and Leeds United to get our international fans to games? Blue sky thinking? It’s worth an ask. 

Fans input into the redevelopment would be great. A nod to the Spirit of Revie Era would be fantastic. We can only hope that the 49ers and the rest of the board will do as Bielsa does, and respect and value the old timers as much as these “newer” fans.

To finish with, Eric Ware, bus bingo caller extraordinaire – “Are you sweating at the back yet?”

Today, February 2nd 2021 is Groundhog Day.

For those of you who have never seen this classic Bill Murray film from 1993 – SHAME ON YOU! Get yourself down to Blockbuster and rent the video out now. Anyone born after 2000, you have no idea what I am going on about, so just read on.

Groundhog Day is one of those films that they put on every year at Christmas because it’s a “feel good film”. One of those ones that people watch over and over again as, when it seems all hope is lost, it rekindles your faith in the human spirit, making you all warm and fuzzy inside (bit like when Bamford scores!). It is certainly much more heart warming and much milder than the Frank Capra great “It’s A Wonderful Life” , which really at times actually is quite bleak for a Christmas film. Incidentally, it’s also, in a manner quite unbefitting of the usual rubbish of SkyTVisf**kings**t, been on constantly on the film channel 302 all day …. as if it was Groundhog Day! Da dum.

However, Groundhog Day for me is a perfect example of life imitating art, not art imitating life.

Without going too much into the teachings of that old bloke Aristotle in Ancient Greece in 300BC, and then it’s subsequent 180 degree flip by Oscar Wilde in 1880, it is loosely translated as when real life starts behaving like a work of fiction e.g. in a film, or a book or (in a more current setting) when something on social media starts being taken out of proportion / and or context and people start believing it, even though it may be completely fictitious.

In my mind, Art, whether it is a book or a painting or a film is someone’s take on what is currently happening and therefore an individual’s own way of capturing or mirroring or a glimpse in time. Life is what is factually, physically and mentally occuring at any given moment – life is life.

Groundhog Day is definitively an actual day. February 2nd. It’s a day when Punxsutawney Phil from Gobblers Knob, Pennsylvania US of A, peeps out from his hollow tree stump at dawn, and if he sees his shadow it means there is going to be another 6 weeks of winter. Punxsutawney Phil is a Marmota Monax – technical name for a groundhog, which is essentially, a whopping great big rat. Groundhog day is real life.

In 1993, Harold Ramis (one of the original Ghostbusters – not to be confused with that crap unfunny version they did the other year) wrote the screenplay and directed his Ghostbusters’s mate, Bill Murray, in a film about a weatherman forced to go to the real life event, and what happens to him. Thereby – Art.

28 years later, someone says it feels like “Groundhog Day” meaning it feels they are living the same day over and over again. Luckily, it doesn’t mean that they have a dog sized rodent hanging out at the bottom of their back garden in a tree stump.

What has this got to do with Leeds?

My point is, in the current pandemic tradition of the “three – word – phrase”, “Doing A Leeds”.

Doing A Leeds was and still is, a phrase which relates to an unhappier time in our proud club’s history. Once upon a time, many moons ago, in the time before Bielsa, our then Chairman spent beyond his means and well, I needn’t go through the grisly details, things just went horribly wrong. Since then, every club that gets screwed over by the owners or the Chairmen or both, resulting in a fall from grace, plus or minus relegation (in our experience serial relegation) and accruing massive debts, plus or minus players and staff not getting paid … I needn’t go on, need I? You get the picture, “Doing A Leeds” has become synonymous with failure, abject failure due to poor judgement and financial mismanagement of a football club.

Since we laid that rock steady foundation, many clubs have “done a Leeds”.

But if a fan had only recently started following Leeds and was completely oblivious of our history, “Doing A Leeds” , in our current standing of heart stopping, breakneck speed, edge of your seat entertaining football excellence, would be the complete opposite. Who knows what lies in our future under the tutelage of Radrizzani and the ever increasing stake of the 49ers. It may well be that, five years from now, we have a fantastic stadium with state of the art training facilities, the envy of the country, and  we are top of the PL and talk of doing the triple will be common place. In which case, the link between total, laughable, abject failure both financially and in playing terms, will be consigned to the annals of history, in a box sealed in duct tape, marked DO NOT OPEN EVER AGAIN. 

There are some sayings though, that will stand the test of time, and no one will ever get confused about what they mean. There’s the usual famous  ones like the often misquoted, “some people believe football is a matter of life or death, I am very disappointed with that ……. it is much more important than that “. 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1232318/Bill-Shankly-The-quotes-Liverpool-legend-50-years-day-took-over.html

As you can see, even the most famous quotes can be sometimes get muddled, there’s one however that will always stand the test of time, and that’s our own

“Side before self – every time” 

Thanks to Leeds United for the picture which came from last March when they deferred the wages at the start of the lockdown https://www.leedsunited.com/news/team-news/26446/club-statement-side-before-self-every-time

In this modern 21st century age of pretending everyone is equal so they don’t get upset about it, even if they are not as hard working / practical / knowledgeable / intelligent as the next person, levelling the playing field is one of the key phrases being banded about. We would like to think we are right to stop promoting elitism, wouldn’t we? When you think about it though, are we? Is the 21st century progressing into the equal society that our leaders keep telling us it is? Or actually are we still in the old “do as I say, not do as I do” lip service 20th century? In truth, I don’t think there is any levelling of the playing field at all. The only levelling of the playing field that is going on, is hopefully what is currently being done at ER on our pitch.

So, what’s going wrong? Or is anything wrong at all?

Big clubs attract big money from advertising, sponsorship, rich owners, rich agents (!) etc etc etc. It’s not their fault, is it? The “big” clubs are bound to get attention from their loaded current and prospective owners who are willing to plough their hard earned dosh / ill gotten gains (delete as appropriate)  money into their “investment”. That can’t be wrong, can it? Surely, there’s nothing wrong with the bigger clubs always having the first pick at the cherry tree? But then think what happens with the smaller clubs. What slim pickings are they left with? And really this potentially means anyone outside of the “Big 6”. Look at for example, Bournemouth. They did ok for themselves on the pitch for a while, despite the lack of owners with huge pockets. But their luck ran out eventually and every season now the likes of Burnley, Fulham, Brighton etc. all fight to get out of the relegation Death Race that is the last 6 weeks of the season . That’s no fun every season is it? But is it so wrong to have something to aspire to? Everyone wants to be in the PL, right?

On the flipside, you have the never ending conversation from FIFA about the need for a new European League, with the “biggest” clubs from Europe playing. As if Klippety hasn’t got enough to moan about with Livarpool already being “forced” to play too many games with not enough substitutions. After all, there’s far too much football for these professional players to cope with, isn’t there? The League, the Chumpions League, all those international pre season and mid season friendlies, the odd trip to Dubai thrown in, and then the small matter of the League and the FA Cup (which could get you a place in Europe in case you fall out of the Top 3) and all those international games as well, including that nonsense Nations League (what’s that all about?). So does an elite “FIFA European League” actually have a place alongside the already dreadful Eur “a no hoper” League and Chumpions League that hardly anyone bothers watching now anyway? Well, that depends on how much money FIFA will make, doesn’t it? Money talks, after all. So is it really about guaranteeing these “big name” clubs consistently have a place in a “top” competition to ensure the money men get their global advertising revenue streams?

Is the reality more exasperation than aspiration or inspiration?

I’ll put some more examples to you.

This week we heard that there has been an increased stake from our American friends in California. This has been uniformly welcomed with open arms. More investment potentially means more money into the coffers, which to some fans,  means a big fat purse to splash out on new players with. To me, I hope that the investment goes into the redevelopment of our aging stadium and neighbouring facilities. Don’t get me wrong, the facilities at Thorp Arch are some of the best in the league. Thorp Arch is one of the reasons why Leeds is lauded as a Premier League Academy team. But they chose to film parts of the King’s Speech in the West Stand for a reason. They filmed the famous stuttering speech which was delivered by George VI in 1925 at the Empire Exhibition, Wembley Stadium, from the West Stand in 2011. So the West Stand’s claim to fame is that it looked like Wembley in 1925. What does that say to you about the need for investment into our beloved ER? This, when Ken “I never took a penny in wages” Bates had come up with his famous plan to build a hotel at ER and had already put a new face on the East Stand (as well as some shiny new corporate boxes where ordinary fans used to sit), even though the West Stand was desperately crying out for an update to those wooden seats. After all, football isn’t just about the 30 match days a season , is it? Thank the Lord that he never got a chance to do a Leeds version of the “Chelski Village” at ER.

There have been plans touted for Citeh style facilities at ER utilising the old Matthew Murray site and Fullerton Park to improve the area and make it easier to access on site facilities rather than making the 20 mile trip out to Wetherby. I can only hope that the funds go there and not to splashing out on “big name” players. We need to get that West Stand refurbed and the rest of the ground up to PL standards. We need to get more capacity for the people who want to sit in the stands, not just the money spinning corporate entertainment boxes which generate so much money. We need to improve the match day facilities so we’re not queueing for 20 minutes to get crap beer and a nuclear pie with a dubious indistinguishable filling (which may or may not have derived itself from animal or vegetable matter a lifetime ago – who knows ), and we well and truly need to sort the pitch out 

After all, we need more seats to get all the “new” fans in for the next couple of seasons until they get bored again when we sink back to mid table mediocrity, or heaven forbid, get relegated again. After all, nothing says part time support more than half empty stadiums on a cold Tuesday night in February, or even 20th September (8488 attendance at that Cup game against Blackburn in 2016) when the novelty factor has worn off. By then, there won’t be sight nor sound from the keyboard warriors whingeing about not getting a ticket, without donating another kidney to get enough loyalty to go to Southampton in January on a Monday night. Just like it was in 2006. That was the last time they all got bored and disappeared.

I digress, sorry.

Why not get big players, I hear you all say. If we are a “big” club, we should attract “better” players. Big name players attract greedy agents circling like vultures round a corpse in a desert. Once again, money talks but do you necessarily get what you pay for? Do we want or even need a Paul Pogba after all? Plus, what does that say to the developing Youth Teams? What is the point of having a brilliant youth team if they will never stick a chance of playing in the 1st team, because of the big money signings that SkyTVisf**kings**t wet themselves over in the January and Summer  transfer windows. Unwittingly, it is the keyboard warriors who create so much chaos and influence owners and Chairmen with big pockets to make rash signings. Some of these keyboard chumpions have never been to  and probably will never go to a live game, even if they wanted to. I wonder if anyone has ever thought that social media is being deliberately exploited by said agents to manipulate others and bump up their inflated prices? Hmmm.

Of course, FFP was meant to put a lid on things, but as demonstrated by Derby, where there is a will, there’s a lawyer. There is always a way to manipulate things, even if it means sponsoring the wages of their new player manager. The less said about Derby, the better.

It’s not even just the players though. Look at the managers, or head coaches as they are all called now. We called it, did it and broke the mould on that one. How many of the teams in the PL are managed by young home grown British talent? Not many. Probably Graham Potter and Eddie Howe are the stand out ones there, ( Howe technically not in the PL now indeed clubless at present), alongside the old warhorses like Roy Hodgson, Moyes, Brendan and Big Sam. Still not managing the “big” clubs though. Once again, there will be the ones that argue, if you want a good manager (head coach) you have to spend big to stay in the PL.

This is where Fat Frank comes in. There he was the poor lamb, he did so well with … er Derby … Nearly got them promoted. He “told” Bielsa a thing or two about how “we” play football in this country. Fat Frank took on his dream job at his dream club, where they all loved him so much, because he knew where the English game was coming from. He had so much experience playing in this league. It was the pinnacle of his career, head coach at the club he devoted so much of his life to and loved so much. Having handed over the reins at Derby to the safe hands of Rooney blah blah blah. Look where it got you, Sunshine. Out on your arse, mate. After he had that magnificent display against us as well, when he “taught Bielsa a thing or two about playing in the PL”. I think it went a bit downhill from there. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer fella after what happened to the Beradi doppelganger, Villas Boas.

Sour grapes aside, where does that leave the FA with “levelling the playing field” when it comes to getting the English grassroots coaches through the managerial ranks? If Fat Frank failed, with all his experience in the PL, who else is going to make the cut? Let alone getting more BAME managers involved. If someone of Fat Frank’s stature and footballing pedigree can’t make a difference, there’s not much hope of anyone else, is there? Fat Frank’s demise is hardly going to give any hope to any up and coming managerial hopefuls, is it? Who have we from our PL stock of yesteryears superstars, who can pick up that vaunted “Big 6” head coach gauntlet? Stevie G at er Rangers? Gary “the more eloquent half of the Neville Brothers” Neville has given the ghost up. Although he did publicly admit that he probably made the wrong decision about not playing Rodrigo as a centre half. Not many others is there? It’s about as level a playing field as our pitch against Brighton the other day.

How much levelling of the playing field is there?

Well, at least we have more women in the game… right? Linespeople, referees, that Gabby Logan, that’s ok isn’t it? I’ll only pause to mention Karen Carnage. But poor Jeff ” no mates” Stelling. In these unprecedented times, I have watched poor Jeff lose his mates one by one. He may as well go back to Countdown now. If he was an animal, you’d have took him to the vet by now to stop his suffering. Essentially Jeff Stelling took that boring afternoon spell that SkyTVisf**kings**t forced us into when they started putting games on at any other time than 3pm on a Saturday back in 1994, and made it his own. Yes, the heady days when all you did on a Saturday was go to the pub, go to the game, go back to the pub and go for a curry before the last bus home. Unless it was a Cup weekend of course.

But when the true Gods of Football took over and changed the scheduling, the ones who didn’t have the luxury of a local team to go support (or go to Scotland to watch a proper game), Saturday afternoon was left bereft. The choice was find a local team or go shopping with the missus and the kids. Not likely. So Jeff invented Soccer Saturday. And soon, that Saturday afternoon spell of emptiness was filled by the TV equivalent of those ones who had a ticket but spent the afternoon in the pub enjoying themselves talking about football, rather than wasting their time actually going to the game and putting themselves through 90 minutes of crap football and ruining their day. I can honestly say I watched some of it intermittently, and it was vaguely reminiscent of pre match pub stops with the early kick off on the telly in the background, without the alcohol but with smart suits. Even in the Kings Arms, there was always some old codger with something smart to say. Never a dull moment.

Sadly no more for SkyTVisf**ings**t.

If you know me well, you know how much I hate those long, uncomfortable silences. Tumble weed moments, where two seconds of no discussion seems like two hours and everyone shuffles awkwardly around avoiding eye contact. You know the ones I mean. Where you can be in full flow, with quips and banter a plenty, interrupting the sensible discussion but not stopping it, and then someone says something and it all goes quiet. A ball of rolling grass tumbles past you, an owl hoots in the distance and the lonely wolf cries. Switch camera to Jeff Stelling tugging onto his Mum’s coat, going “please Mummy let me come home, I don’t like it here”. 

It takes time to build up knowledge about football. It takes skill and experience and hours put in watching some of the best football ever, as well as the utmost dross you’ll force yourself through to be able to do what the likes of Merson, Nichols, Le Tissier, Thompson and even old Hairy Arms Keys and Andy Gray did and do. As old and mysoginist and “white” as they were, they knew a thing about football. They had seen it all, laughed and cried about it and with their wealth of knowledge could write a hundred books about it if they were allowed to.

This lot, not a chance. It’s almost as painful as the cricket now. I’d rather watch it in silence (without the added crowd noise) than watch it with them. You’d be better off getting some from the pub doing it, when we eventually are allowed back to the pub, of course.

Levelling the playing field? Not as good as it’s cracked up to be, eh?

To finish with; a bit of pitch porn that’s in all our dreams

Picture courtesy of barenburg

https://www.barenbrug.co.uk/news/a-change-to-elite-pitches-at-leeds-united

 

 

After multiple replays of Sean Dyche and his low growls after that game, it sounded like Boxing Day deja vu, following the over indulgence of turkey, pigs in blankets and roasties, oh and half a packet of after eight mints. In this years’ Christmas Battle of Man v Food, my stomach will testify that food definitely won. Although I have to say that my tummy rumblings were less biased than Sean Dyche’s interview today.

Is it just me, or does anyone else see Preston the bulldog from Aardman’s “A Close Shave” everytime Sean opens his mouth? Both the normal version and the terminator one, just to clarify.

Today’s game wasn’t pretty to watch, especially that second half, or rather the last 20 minutes of the second half. Mind you, the first half wasn’t that much to look at either, until someone finally told the cameraman on the West Stand touchline near the dug outs that his lens needed cleaning. It was nearly the end of the first half before it looked slightly better than “The Big Match” re runs on ITV4.

It’s amazing how now that we are forced to watch our games on the telly due to bloody bat flu, you realise just how crap the TV coverage actually is. Unbelievably, even though I have had 3 hours in the pub before the game normally, I manage to see more of the game than the 8 strategically placed  cameras can capture during a TV broadcast. Admittedly, I tend to watch what is actually going on the pitch according to where the ball is, rather than obsessively focusing my attention on the dugouts, 30 seconds of a man chewing gum is 29 seconds too much. You’d think with all this goal line technology and split second replays, that 89 minutes of a 90 minute game would actually be following the play (VAR decisions notwithstanding). Even if the ball goes out for a throw in or a corner, what is to stop the continuity man just showing the few seconds build up which resulted in said free kick etc. Plus, when there is a corner, why they don’t do the wide angle shot so you can watch the run ins from outside the box, is beyond me. Like I said in an earlier post, it makes you think that the people choosing the camera angles aren’t actually football fans. Maybe there is an a ulterior motive, like sponsorship deals for chewing gum or toothpaste brands? Who knows, but it is really annoying.

Not as annoying as Jamie “dey do do dat doh don’t dey doh” Carragher. Once again, the commentary team of Andy and Dan excelled themselves today. All they have to do is provide ball by ball commentary on what’s going on the pitch. Like the inimitable Roy Walker on Catchphrase – “say what you see”. It’s not really that difficult is it? I’m pretty sure that in front of them some number cruncher minion will have prepped all the stats needed for them for that game, so that when nothing is happening, they can spout some figures to make themselves look a bit clever. But no, short of the commentary team being made up of people without a grudge or at least being able to be impartial for 90 minutes, you’d be better off getting one of those guys who does the commentary on horse racing doing it. At least they can make it sound a bit exciting and you know they’ll only give you the actual facts. That Peter O Sullivan, now he knew a thing or two about sports commentary.

They can leave all the bias and the “in depth game analysis” to the three clowns sat around that tiny table in the studio. What is the point of that tiny coffee table anyway? It’s way too low to put your pint on (or tea mug if you’re feeling delicate). You can’t even rest your feet on it. They’d be better off with a Dickie Davis style of hip high desk, to hide those hideous hipster trousers and non shiny shoes. With all the money they make, you’d think they could afford to pay someone to clean their shoes at least and press their trousers.

I understand, the way that Leeds United play under Bielsa’s tutelage is, basically, the SAME every game. But it’s not boring is it? Even when we are losing, it’s still exciting to watch. We are the epitome of “hitting on the break” as much as we are the personification of being “caught on the break”. I am pretty sure that there are plenty of stats to reel off about how many miles (not kilometres now we are out – down with decimalisation!) Kalvin has covered on the pitch or how many Premier League teams Bamford can be classed as playing for ( does coming on for 39 minutes really count as a Burnley career?) to use as a filler when someone goes down in a tackle.

I know, it may be unfair for me to criticise them as I have never been in their shoes, but I am stuck having to watch and listen to them and not really doing this by choice. I’d MUCH rather be watching it live at the game, but I can’t. At least they are being paid to do it. Having said that, if SkyTVisf**kings**t want to pay me to sit and watch Leeds United and provide the commentary, as long as I can have a drinkie or two, I’m pretty sure that I would do as good as, if not a better job of it, than the current lot.

I would certainly tell old Sean that he needs to be a far gracious loser, and that on the day, despite us having no proper centre halves and a keeper who looks like he is 12, the team pulled together, did the job and kept them at bay. Which is no mean feat for a newly promoted Championship team.

So, just switched off SkyTVisf**kings**t for Christmas 2020, and that game just about sums up this year, doesn’t it?

Full of promise at the start, quickly descended into a complete farce, a bit of hope halfway through and then utter carnage, and despite continuing to battle to the end, beaten into submission. That was the summary of 2020 – now back to the game ….. oh no need. Ditto.

The fortunate thing about the football is that there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Once we get our defenders back, and hopefully Coops isn’t hurt too badly, we will throw everything (again – like we always do) at Burnley, and come away with three points. 2020 is also coming to an end and good riddance I say.

There’s no doubt at all that this has been the most calamitous year in a long, long time.

Two weeks ago, we played Chelski. Or should I say, Chelski decided to turn up to a game and actually properly participate in it, unlike their previous game against Spurs which was as dull as ditchwater. Yes, we lost but we had been forced to start with Llorente, as our stand in centre back (as Koch had got injured, and is now out til the Spring), and we were no match in the box against the giants in Fat Frank’s team. We then played the ‘Appy ‘Ammers and again, gave away pointless free kicks and corners, and again lost. Both games were on the telly and both drew a massive audience and subsequent newspaper column inches.

There is no doubt at all that Leeds United have cemented themselves as THE team that the TV companies want to have in their schedule. The football we play under Bielsa is attractive, and played in the spirit of the game that it should be. Having put myself through the commentary of Martin Tyler and Gary Neville today on SkyTVis f**kings**t, which is heaps better than the Amazon rubbish against the Geordies the other night by the way despite Jermaine’s moonlighting, it was almost embarrassing to hear them gushing over us. It was like listening in to a discussion between Dave Rowson and Paul Beaumont over Nigella Lawson. In fact Leeds United are probably the football equivalent of Nigella Lawson at this moment in time.

When Leeds are on the telly, you can almost see these commentators drooling down their microphones on the gantry over our passing play. Even the BBC are forced into it. And even though we lost today, the flattery from Tyler and Neville was evident and rightly so. Our football is THE most entertaining football currently available. Every game pre match there is talk about how they think Bielsa is going to play, but there doesn’t need to be. Regardless of who we are playing, Bielsa is just going to play exactly the same. One of the funniest moments was before the West Ham game, when in the press conference, the gaggle of reporters were trying to make a big deal of who might or might not be playing, so Bielsa just came out with the team line-up. Excellent. Giving them all the respect that they deserve – none whatsoever.

Lately though, there does seem to me that there is a worrying pattern forming. Chelski, Spurs, Citeh and Scum today just don’t seem to be bothering to turn up properly in certain games. Only then to turn up the heat when they are playing us. I know that for years and years, it has always been the pretence that we are the opposition’s Cup Final, but this season, it genuinely feels that way. As a seasoned conspiracy theorist, it does seem that when teams play against us, they are up-ing their game and playing much better football.

Is this because of the open style we play which makes other teams seem better? Before today, Scum had only scored three times at home, today they were 2-0 up within two minutes. Yes, I am sure that because our play is attack, attack, attack, we do leave ourselves open and have been of late (because of injuries and no Ben White!) been punished on the break. The fluidity of our play against the likes of Newcastle the other night, was breathtaking but then, like it was today, when the opposition are just as fast as we are, begrudgingly, the Scum goals were taken well.

Like Tyler said today, Leeds play the style of football that was played in the 1950s, when it was common place to score 6 to 8 goals a game. It was end to end stuff and there was no place for “clever game management” aka feigning injury and diving, because the game was played how it should be. However, playing the game how it should be played, may not win us the league. It will give the PL the breath of fresh air that the staleness of the last decade has needed. It will boost the TV figures, not that they need much, seeing as we will be in lockdown til the end of the season now, but it might spur on a generation of young footballers to do the right thing and stop the future Grealishes and Livarpool employees from getting anymore silly ideas.

For our first season back in top flight football, we haven’t done too badly really. We are midtable but it’s not even Christmas yet. The injuries are a concern, but we will have to wait and see. It was interesting how he took Kalvin and Klich off today, apparently because they are on 4 yellows already, and he didn’t want the team to suffer from any suspensions until the reset button in the New Year. Tactics? Hmmm.

The one thing that annoyed me today was that they kept harking on about Bielsa’s philosophy. It’s not really a philosophy is it? It’s just playing the game how it’s meant to be played. The game has changed so much since we were last in the Premier League. Not just with VAR and the rule changes, even the  pitches don’t seem like a proper grass surface anymore, they look like someone has gone over them in green felt tip pen. The players may be super fit, nutritionally balanced dietically fed, non smoking, non alcoholic, computer controlled hermetically insulated playing machines, but this makes them prone to hissy fits. Including headbutting, pushing and shoving, handbag throwing merchants, added to that all the hair pulling, eye gouging, biting and name calling spectacles that were not uncommon at 1am in the taxi queues outside Flares in the old days. They maybe be human, but not as we know it, Jim.

Anyway, Merry Christmas folks, enjoy it as much as you can in these uncertain times. We might get lucky and be able to watch a live game at ER before the end of the season. Whatever happens, it has certainly been an interesting and enjoyable start to our first season back in top flight football. The results might not have gone our way, but the football we are watching is fantastic and long may it continue to be as entertaining as it has been. Roll on the next 20 points, 7 more wins will see me happy before the end of the season.

Ladies and gentleman – I give you the fabulous Mike Myers. Plus, if that wasn’t enough to give you the Halloween hee bee gee bees, I am even going to add that amazing intro to John Carpenters’ classic 1978 movie Halloween

but that Silver Shamrock clip from Halloween III Season of The Witch? That’s a step way too far for any child born in the 70s.

In previous seasons, Halloween is about the time where the jitters start. Owners start to get itchy feet and those managers who haven’t had a particularly good start to the season begin to get that horrible creeping sensation on their necks, that maybe something just isn’t right. Of course the tell tale sign is normally when the Chairman does an interview on the telly and claims that the manager has the full backing of the Board. In that, they want to see the back of him! But because of the delay to the start of the season because of bat flu, some might be spared their blushes, at least til Christmas. However, it’s hardly much Saving Grace is it?

This was our own club BB (Before Bielsa), happily not any more. Since the collective stroke of genius that was Radrizzani + Orta + Kinnear +/- ? Christiansen for bringing in some players in which led to Bielsa watching us? (who knows??). Whatever combination of events led to Marcelo Bielsa taking an interest in us, we were lucky. Lucky that he was tempted by what he saw. He must have seen something in us. There must have been something that made him see that we had potential. At 65, he’s hardly a spring chicken is he? But he’s no old warhorse like Warnock either.  In all this time he has been at ER, why hasn’t anyone asked him why he chose us? Or have they and he just hasn’t said or he’s sworn people to secrecy? There’s no doubt at all that he chose to come to us. Yeah, Victor Orta might have put the feelers out, but as the old saying goes, you can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink it.

Bielsa is like one of those clever neighbourhood cats. The ones that just turn up because they know they’re gonna get fed and fussed after. The ones that everyone from the post office to the pub knows. Children, adults and the older ones, all see it and give it a pet, and people will feed it but no one actually knows who owns it. It will come and do what it wants to do in your garden, because he knows it pisses you off and he loves it. But he’ll come and wind his way round your legs til you feed him, because he knows you will and if he doesn’t like the food, he’ll go elsewhere. He’ll even have a kip on your chair or ride the bus until his stop, and then he’ll wander off. Like Rudyard Kipling’s Cat That Walked By himself, as those people who stop and ask if he wants a lift to Thorp Arch know, Bielsa Walks By Himself and all places are alike to him (if you didn’t do it in English at school –  read it)

Back to the Horrors of Halloween, it wasn’t so long ago when we were going through managers like it was going out of fashion. Bat flu has extended the lease of life to some of the more fortunate, but there’s no doubt at all, with current standings, courtesy of bookmakers.co.uk, Agent OGS is in the running.

But which Charmed One would take his place? Pochettino? Or would they try to resurrect Fergie? Now that would be a proper horror show. Let’s hope that the Scum Board are so eager not to lose face that they keep Ole Ole for a bit longer.

There’s no doubt at all that not having fans in the ground has made a massive difference, and perhaps that is the key to PL and EFL managerial survival. Maybe that’s why they are keeping us away. If there had been a full crowd at Villa park with 3,000 away fans would 7 had gone in without a car radio being chucked at Martinez? Would Spurs have slotted 6 in Salford before a load of prawn sandwiches had been hurled at Son? Mind you, not having a crowd didn’t help Sir Ferme LaBouche the Forest manager, considering that celebration when they beat us last season, you’d have thought that they got promoted, won the PL, the European Cup and secured InterGalactic Peace in that 90 minutes. I won’t even mention Derby…. Please note, I know his name is Sabri LaMouchi but those of you who know a bit of French, will understand the comparison that I have drawn.

However, even though we haven’t played 6 games yet, the excuse generator has  already been hard at work. I rarely watch any pre match build up on SkyTVisf**kings**t, basically because I cannot stand Jamie CareerScouser’s drawl. It’s like that Cerys from Catatonia, whose accent became even more annoyingly Welsh (sorry Taff!) after she got famous from 1997’s Mulder and Scully. I’ve met a lot of people from Livarpool in my lifetime, and none of them sounded like that. It’s how people who aren’t from Liverpool wind Liverpudlians up by putting on a Scouse accent. Dreadful!

Unfortunately, I had already had my tea on Monday, so I was a captive audience with my cuppa and packet of “perfect for dunking” Foxes Viennese biscuits. I didn’t want to get the remote covered in tea, so I was subjected to Jamie’s whining about how Dick Van Dyke getting injured and Scum and ‘Pool dropping points last week, meant that “all that would be needed was 90+ points this year for the title” and “the bar is being set really low this season”. It’s as if winning the league is a done deal. It’s as if winning the title for the first time in 30 years, with a lot of help from VAR, automatically entitles you to a winning run.  Maybe Jamie and Jimmy know something we don’t?

What I do know is that until we get back into the stadia, the results are going to be skewed. Like all Leeds fans who have the luxury of attending games home and away (I say away hopefully!), the atmosphere that we generate has a massive impact on our players and the opposition team. We ARE the 12th man. We are part of the backline in defence and the extra 5 yards at the front. We are the extra man in the wall and the extra height at the corner. We are the extra last ditch block in the box and the extra man hitting on the break. In the battle between Leeds Fans v Halloween Hee Bee Gee Bees. Leeds fans would win.

Football is nothing without the fans. Roll on November 9th.