Merry Christmas Folks! Thanks again go to Former Branch Secretary, Dave Rowson for the article below. It is a mish mash, I think you younger ones call it a “mash up” nowadays, of the last few away days, as Spurs, Brighton and Citeh all basically merged into one. The MPO has reserved “Publisher’s Notes” on the text, but unlike the Editor of “We’re not Leeds – WE ARE LEEDS” , nothing “pervy” has been taken out!

The influencer

Since The Chairman’s arrival on social media, that fateful day 23^rd April 2018, when Dave Rowson setup his Facebook account with him at the Swan on the Stray, the world has changed for ever.

Taking to Facebook like a duck to ice skating, The Chairman soon got to grips with growing his followers. Indeed, he soon got to grips with a particular follower, a lady who sent the kids out and invited him around for some tuition in IT. Telling Rouse this story at the Knaresborough bed race in June, Rouse said, “bloody hell, been on Facebook for years, nowt like that has happened to me!!!”

He had a few teething problems getting used to Facebook etiquette at first, re sharing (posts not the lady above). He nearly got himself threatened to be blocked by a few folk, and he also continues to like all his own posts. He has now steadily built his followers to the 5k limit, and now operates a waiting list system, on a “one in one out” basis. Average waiting time for men – 18 months, average waiting time for women – 18 seconds. Running the operation from home on his iPad, he has to take a break from proceedings when out and about, and carries his traditional Nokia brick phone, he’s no plastic fan taking pics in the ground! He assures us though that his brick phone is in constant contact with the control room at home letting it know his whereabouts.

Publisher’s notes – it’s technically called a “candybar” phone as The Secretary has a Nokia 3210 that still works and the MPO still has a functioning Nokia 6700, all classics of their time!

We first noticed the impact of The Chairman’s arrival on T’internet, when he began asking Dave to check him into pubs on away trips. Arriving in a town at 11am and the pub quiet, once Dave checked him in, the pubs always got far busier for knowing The Chairman was in attendance, (not that they had just opened). The presence of The Chairman attracted folk from far and wide to the town and these specific establishments ( according to The Chairman’s infinite wisdom ). This also happens coincidentally, on an evening out in Harrogate. You go out at 5pm, all’s quiet, by 9pm or 10pm its heaving. Below we see a graph of Charley’s impact on the footfall of his chosen venues, next slide please. As you can see this is proven by the analysis of the branch’s top scientist, the Membership Officer, Mr Roy Flynn.

However, it has now gone way beyond this, and the knowledge that his reach expands to his Chinese 8 million followers, has made him one of T’internet’s biggest influencers.

Pop stars now seek him out to promote their tours. He is in regular contact with Hazel O’Connor, Thereza Bazar (Dollar), Susanna Hoffs (Bangles) and now Anita Doth (2 Unlimited). However, when asked about Kate Bush, one of his favourite songstresses, he says ‘no, she doesn’t run her own account and she’s a bit of a nutter in real life’.

Publisher’s Notes – in defence of Kate Bush

1) Kate Bush has brought out a new book, published in November 2021, and she is happy to leave her music as her preferred way to communicate.

2) A bit of clarification of the difference between a “fruit” and a “nut”

His opinions of Kate Bush notwithstanding, The Chairman is now adamant he can make or break venues or individuals based on his T’internet influence. Several bars have suffered as a result of not allowing him entry on a Saturday night, I think as they are worried about being swamped and not having enough staff on (it’s the only explanation as they sometimes still let the rest of us in).

Warm drinks at football –  Bring Back The Bovril!

The Chairman’s power has most recently been demonstrated when on the way to Brighton, The Chairman began a conversation about drinks in football grounds and specifically warm drinks in winter.

The Chairman told us that his favourite warm drink at football was Bovril. However, he recounted a trip to Everton 21st March 1991, a night match second leg of the final of the ZDS Cup no less.

Publisher’s Notes – ZDS Cup was a tournament held between 1985 and 1992 when English clubs were banned from European football because of some very poor behaviour on Belgian soil by some scallywags (checked – I’m allowed to use this term). Younger readers – look it up, a very inglourious part of Liverpool’s history. 

It was a very cold night and the Chairman wanted his favourite Bovril drink however, on getting to the refreshment stand, it had sold out of Bovril (bumper 12k crowd) asking what they had left to drink, he was offered a Slush Puppy!!

Rouse then recalled one of the first Sunday games we played, was away at Hull in the 80’s. Taking advantage of not playing on a Sunday morning he had gone all “Promotion Klich” and got totally hammered (doesn’t need an excuse now not playing, Rouse not Klich). Nearly sleeping in, and missing the bus, he ran it back home to get the tickets, but on arrival at the ground, no tickets were required so they could have been left. He says the only thing that could remove the hangover was the chicken soup served in the ground. Spookily I am sure these were Klix instant soups and used to have machine at office where Rouse worked.

Publisher’ Notes – you can still get these at Nissan Sunderland for a bargain 55p according to Top Gear

Anyway, The Chairman decided at Brighton there should be a “Bring Back The Bovril” campaign for football grounds, and that Leeds United Supporters Club should champion this under the “Get It Back at Elland Road” campaign.

On the trip to Chelsea, he informed us that he had been in touch with Bovril via Facebook and suggested they return to football grounds. Instantly, it seems his influence once again paid off, as at Manchester City on the Tuesday they had reinstated Bovril in the ground.

So, I am sure there will be a tidal wave of Bovril across the country now in football grounds.

If you need anything promoting contact The Chairman on Facebook, (not you Rooney, Derby can @@@@ off!). You would need to be the right sort of approach to get on The Chairman’s radar anyway, possibly a sales cougar?

I bet you’ll have a Bovril now!!!

So, if you want to grow your brand or want a brand destroying, check-in with Chairman Charley. (Now there’s a thought, ‘Evening & Merry Christmas Prime Minister’)

The Chairman’s Christmas Message

Merry Christmas from the Chairman, hope you get something in stockings this Christmas too!!

It’s been a while since the last Chairman Charley, I’m sorry to say. The Chairman has been getting a bit uneasy about the lack of news to keep all his followers updated, but hopefully this chapter will go a bit of the way to easing his pain.

Thanks to ex Branch Secretary and now published author, Dave Rowson for the text. This Chairman Charley is bound to be a lot better than the usual tat that I do.

Cars pains

The Chairman has had a few difficulties lately, namely the breakdown of the trusted motor that took him down to Luton and back in 2019. Dave and Entertainment Secretary, Andy Yates, still talk fondly of that memorable trip. Most notably the “Keep death off the road – drive on the pavement” moment when The Chairman mistook a flower bed for a roundabout on the way to pick up Ripon Kev (HUNTY to his mates) on that very foggy morning, and ended up on the pavement.

After that little mishap though, he was the model driver, and did a sterling (Moss) job the rest of the journey.

The Chairman’s car, by the way, you’ll be pleased to know, has been fixed and is all present and correct. Luckily when his car broke down, he was literally outside the garage. When the recovery man turned up declared that the clutch was D.O.A, he asked Charley where he wanted the car taken to for repairs. The Chairman pointed across the road, and said, over there. It was the shortest trip to a recovery garage the mechanic had ever undertaken. You know The Chairman – always glad to be of assistance.

Spurs pain

Unfortunately, his car was the least of his worries on the way to Spurs the other week. The major concern was his body letting him down. Rest assured, ladies, that department is OK, the issue was more to do with his left arm.

The Chairman informed us that he had got a bit of a bad back, and had tried some Deep Heat to no avail, so he decided to use some Voltarol. Since then, his left arm had been aching and giving him grief. It wasn’t only his arm that was giving him grief, as Spurs hailed the return of our driver Jonathan. The usual front of the bus banter of “It’s not a bus – it’s a coach” (now that could be a good title for a book) , had already begun when he may have took umbridge when Dave might have suggested that the coach was a little late to his pick up stop outside Halfords.

In response to this banter, the banter further ensued when The Chairman drew the comparison to Star Trek when Sulu and Chekov sat in front doing the driving, with the main characters sat behind them in chairs, telling them what to do.

The Chairman must have been in some pain as he curtailed his pubstop early, returning to the coach as he was in agony. He was offered a massage in a local establishment on the way back to the bus, he says. But he assured us that he turned the offer down.

In the ground, he managed a smile for the camera though. Well there was a lady involved!

After visiting the shiny stadium in a shithole of an area, The Chairman’s pain seemed to be getting worse on the return journey. The on board doctors of Rowson and Smuff PhD, MFI, GPS, MD 20/20 were suggesting a heart attack or stroke. The MPO suddenly paid attention as we were nearing home and said “I thought you were just taking the piss! I would have taken a look if I had realised. Is it swollen?” The reply “Are we still talking about the arm”. Well you can see why, the MPO thought he was joking, can’t you?

On the return to Harrogate, Sulu and Chekov were suitably concerned enough to divert the bus to Harrogate Hospital, and he was delivered to the door of A&E.

Brighton. A story of snow, wind and pain.

Storm Arwen meant a 7 hour picturesque trip down the M1 with jack knifed lorries and snowy diversions a plenty. Fortunately, this gave The Chairman plenty of time to tell us stories of his time in the NHS whilst nursing his pain. When a patient kicks off in the waiting room and gets thrown out, you know it’s not going to be a good night.

When it was The Chairman’s turn to see the out of hours GP, he got sent to wait in an empty room. There was a desk in there with a phone on it, but no doctor. After 30 minutes of waiting, the phone rang and The Chairman eventually decided he best answer it. It was the GP! The Chairman remarked that he could have gone home and they could have rung him there. Dave is not sure if the GP had asked him to put his arm in the air like the Swedish phone engineer in Stockholm in 1984, but it was diagnosed that the arm pain was due to the reaction to the treatments he had applied to his back. He was told not to do it again, and was given painkillers for the bus to Brighton.

After the pubstop in Lewes, we hit the Amex stadium and the sniffer dogs weren’t much cop as they didn’t sniff out his painkillers. The Chairman’s pain was further eased again, when he was plied with alcohol from Kirsty Palmer from Keighley again. She had given him some Capri-sun at Scum and now she gave him vodka and coke. Having a lady trying to spike him in the grounds this season is something The Chairman can cope with, and he has taken to singing the Patrick Bamford song to Kirsty. For inclusivity, he also had a picture taken with a bloke too.

Inner Circle pains (as opposed to inside leg pains)

For the journey home, The Chairman gave us news of his latest entry to his Inner Circle. Contacted on facebook by his first girlfriend from New Park Primary School, she is planning a visit from her Australian base to the UK. After seeing the A&E visit on facebook, she contacted The Chairman to say she wished she could be there to take his pain away. He also informed us he had received other feedback suggesting things he couldn’t do to himself but insisted it’s his left arm and he’s right handed – clearly no Ronnie O Sullivan. (Just would like to point out here, that these words belong to Dave Rowson – NOT the MPO).

The Chairman is now trying to work out how to be in pain when she visits. He rejected a proposal to do the Escape To Victory keepers broken arm, and possibly, as she has been in Oz a while, is going to claim that an escaped snake bit him down below and the poison needs removing.

But Ladies you ease The Chairman’s pain ( I have no idea what that means by the way – it’s what Rowsey wrote)