Easing The Chairman’s Pain

It’s been a while since the last Chairman Charley, I’m sorry to say. The Chairman has been getting a bit uneasy about the lack of news to keep all his followers updated, but hopefully this chapter will go a bit of the way to easing his pain.

Thanks to ex Branch Secretary and now published author, Dave Rowson for the text. This Chairman Charley is bound to be a lot better than the usual tat that I do.

Cars pains

The Chairman has had a few difficulties lately, namely the breakdown of the trusted motor that took him down to Luton and back in 2019. Dave and Entertainment Secretary, Andy Yates, still talk fondly of that memorable trip. Most notably the “Keep death off the road – drive on the pavement” moment when The Chairman mistook a flower bed for a roundabout on the way to pick up Ripon Kev (HUNTY to his mates) on that very foggy morning, and ended up on the pavement.

After that little mishap though, he was the model driver, and did a sterling (Moss) job the rest of the journey.

The Chairman’s car, by the way, you’ll be pleased to know, has been fixed and is all present and correct. Luckily when his car broke down, he was literally outside the garage. When the recovery man turned up declared that the clutch was D.O.A, he asked Charley where he wanted the car taken to for repairs. The Chairman pointed across the road, and said, over there. It was the shortest trip to a recovery garage the mechanic had ever undertaken. You know The Chairman – always glad to be of assistance.

Spurs pain

Unfortunately, his car was the least of his worries on the way to Spurs the other week. The major concern was his body letting him down. Rest assured, ladies, that department is OK, the issue was more to do with his left arm.

The Chairman informed us that he had got a bit of a bad back, and had tried some Deep Heat to no avail, so he decided to use some Voltarol. Since then, his left arm had been aching and giving him grief. It wasn’t only his arm that was giving him grief, as Spurs hailed the return of our driver Jonathan. The usual front of the bus banter of “It’s not a bus – it’s a coach” (now that could be a good title for a book) , had already begun when he may have took umbridge when Dave might have suggested that the coach was a little late to his pick up stop outside Halfords.

In response to this banter, the banter further ensued when The Chairman drew the comparison to Star Trek when Sulu and Chekov sat in front doing the driving, with the main characters sat behind them in chairs, telling them what to do.

The Chairman must have been in some pain as he curtailed his pubstop early, returning to the coach as he was in agony. He was offered a massage in a local establishment on the way back to the bus, he says. But he assured us that he turned the offer down.

In the ground, he managed a smile for the camera though. Well there was a lady involved!

After visiting the shiny stadium in a shithole of an area, The Chairman’s pain seemed to be getting worse on the return journey. The on board doctors of Rowson and Smuff PhD, MFI, GPS, MD 20/20 were suggesting a heart attack or stroke. The MPO suddenly paid attention as we were nearing home and said “I thought you were just taking the piss! I would have taken a look if I had realised. Is it swollen?” The reply “Are we still talking about the arm”. Well you can see why, the MPO thought he was joking, can’t you?

On the return to Harrogate, Sulu and Chekov were suitably concerned enough to divert the bus to Harrogate Hospital, and he was delivered to the door of A&E.

Brighton. A story of snow, wind and pain.

Storm Arwen meant a 7 hour picturesque trip down the M1 with jack knifed lorries and snowy diversions a plenty. Fortunately, this gave The Chairman plenty of time to tell us stories of his time in the NHS whilst nursing his pain. When a patient kicks off in the waiting room and gets thrown out, you know it’s not going to be a good night.

When it was The Chairman’s turn to see the out of hours GP, he got sent to wait in an empty room. There was a desk in there with a phone on it, but no doctor. After 30 minutes of waiting, the phone rang and The Chairman eventually decided he best answer it. It was the GP! The Chairman remarked that he could have gone home and they could have rung him there. Dave is not sure if the GP had asked him to put his arm in the air like the Swedish phone engineer in Stockholm in 1984, but it was diagnosed that the arm pain was due to the reaction to the treatments he had applied to his back. He was told not to do it again, and was given painkillers for the bus to Brighton.

After the pubstop in Lewes, we hit the Amex stadium and the sniffer dogs weren’t much cop as they didn’t sniff out his painkillers. The Chairman’s pain was further eased again, when he was plied with alcohol from Kirsty Palmer from Keighley again. She had given him some Capri-sun at Scum and now she gave him vodka and coke. Having a lady trying to spike him in the grounds this season is something The Chairman can cope with, and he has taken to singing the Patrick Bamford song to Kirsty. For inclusivity, he also had a picture taken with a bloke too.

Inner Circle pains (as opposed to inside leg pains)

For the journey home, The Chairman gave us news of his latest entry to his Inner Circle. Contacted on facebook by his first girlfriend from New Park Primary School, she is planning a visit from her Australian base to the UK. After seeing the A&E visit on facebook, she contacted The Chairman to say she wished she could be there to take his pain away. He also informed us he had received other feedback suggesting things he couldn’t do to himself but insisted it’s his left arm and he’s right handed – clearly no Ronnie O Sullivan. (Just would like to point out here, that these words belong to Dave Rowson – NOT the MPO).

The Chairman is now trying to work out how to be in pain when she visits. He rejected a proposal to do the Escape To Victory keepers broken arm, and possibly, as she has been in Oz a while, is going to claim that an escaped snake bit him down below and the poison needs removing.

But Ladies you ease The Chairman’s pain ( I have no idea what that means by the way – it’s what Rowsey wrote)