For a number of seasons now, those words “Real Fans Don’t Discriminate” have been clearly visible on the scoreboard at ER.

The first incarnation I found on google was the above picture from 2023. Recently, the “real fans don’t” phrase, is emphatically used as the introductory mantra which tells us what we can’t / shouldn’t do.

To spare you squinting or shading your eyes, in one of the four days per year that we have sunshine. In summary, that poor excuse for a scoreboard says, real fans don’t use discriminatory language, take any illegal drugs, chuck stuff or run on the pitch nor use pyros. Real fans don’t do any tragedy chanting etc. etc.

Basically, in the 21st century sanitised era of English football, real fans don’t do anything that harms the brand. Real fans all look the same, eat the same, sound the same. Identical grounds, uniform layouts. One fat homogenous blob. That’s what they want. But, want never gets.

What we do,do,do

Please don’t get me wrong, some of the language at football is quite frankly appalling. I’m not trying to excuse or condone any of it. But most of what is said, is purely reactionary, on the spur of the moment. In the main, joining in with the rest of the crowd. After all, in essence, football is tribal. Them against us.

Some of the new songs are to catchy tunes from yesteryear. Some are quite cleverly done, capturing the essence of the moment. Spontaneity at it’s best. Spontaneous yet ephemeral. Basically as ephemeral as our squad, sometimes, especially under certain managers.

However, some have lasted the test of time, in some instances decades. For example, Imre. Imre Varadi. Imre Varadi. Dom Matteo. Scored an excellent goal, etc. The Gaetano song to the tune of Abba’s Voulez Vous. Not forgetting, the old nursery rhyme, the animals went in two by two, morphing into Enoch Showumni, United’s 21.

The majority isn’t chanting in aggression or malice. It is just banter. Drunken, or “other ” substance fuelled, witty repartee. I disagree that it is discriminatory or inflammatory. Some of it is childish and in poor taste. Some is just sad frustration. Things said on the spur of the moment, and usually regretted within 24 hours or when sober.

What we don’t do

Contrastingly, we just don’t do patience. “I am prepared to wait and see how the season pans out before I start calling for the heads of the Manager / Board” said no Leeds fan EVER.

Only a tiny minority of Leeds fans have got what it takes to stand back and take a measured view. Many have been beaten into submission by the years, nay decades of the proverbial ups and downs. Despite the perpetual shoulder shrug, “Leeds have to do it the hard way” platitudes, most, if not all seasons, it’s do as I say, not do as I do. It’s hard being a Leeds fan.

Take Luton the other week for instance. I WISH I’d filmed that, just so I could put it on noseybook to shame them all. We drew against a desperate side, fighting to stay up.

Unlike last season, we didn’t fold. We got a draw. You’d have thought we’d just lost 3-0 and Farke had killed a load of puppies, such was the venom at the front of the away end. Grown adults crying that we’d thrown away the league. People screaming Farke Out and shouting some real abuse at our players. People fighting with each other.

Tanake apparently took it really badly. I’m not surprised. So far this season, our Japanese Jack Russell has enjoyed the spoils of midfield domination. But the toll of long international trips and Rothwell getting injured, has recently reared it’s ugly head.

But a week later, and it’s all change. You just couldn’t make it up.

Real fans?

Real fans. What does that actually mean though?

If I were to do the AI trend thing of plastic toy models, what would a “real” Leeds fan look like? Would we get a miniature Mick Hewitt? Or a double pack of Big and Little Mick Hewitts? Does anyone fancy doing it for a laugh? I genuinely wouldn’t know where to start! Someone do it, and put it on noseybook please.

What is a real fan?

No one knows. It means different things to different people. I have written essays on this before, so I’m not wasting time repeating myself. All it does is create arguments and division within the Entitled who continual bicker between themselves to justify why they think they are the better fan.

Why does it matter?

Personally, this is the main issue. It does matter who the “real fans” are. I have written far too many blogs on why “Fans matter”. It’s not just me either.

Look at the ESL debate a few years ago. If not for the protests from fans of all clubs, we might well have PL teams playing in a European Super League right now. It still may happen, but temporarily we don’t.

If not for facebook / twitter / social media, we currently might have a shirt with THAT abomination on it.

In the famous words of a recent famous White “weird,weird, weird”

Fans matter. But which fans? How do you choose which fans opinions you listen to? Because, as sure as eggs are eggs, not all fans will think the same. And, concurrently, not all will want the same thing.

If we knew what we want

This is a vague reference to one of Chairman Charleys favourite singers, Susannah Hoffs. She is in the Bangles. They did a song – if she knew what she wants.

If only the people who make the decisions knew what we want.

Digital tickets

We were told that because of Covid, everyone had got used to doing everything on their phones. We were told everyone wanted digital tickets, and also to save money and be a bit greener, the Club would no longer do paper tickets / season ticket cards. Digital tickets reduce ticket touting, they said. I have no problem with people wanting digital tickets, but the season ticket card should always have been an option. I would pay to have mine back.

Tech

Technology just wasn’t that good in real life though. The turnstile I used was so intermittent and inconsistent, it was a real trial to get in on matchday. Many people struggled with that turnstile. User error / device incompetence was blamed, and many many emails bounced to and fro. Ticket office staff were despatched to the turnstile to “facilitate” us. Eventually, they admitted it didn’t work. Woo hoo, we have a new turnstile!

The latest debacle with the introduction of the 80% rule (talk about that later), the turnstile technology has again been thrown into doubt. One season ticket holder went to the YEP, as apparently ccTV proved he had attended the sufficient number of games. According to our Club, he had not. I’m not sure why he would lie. Buying a season ticket isn’t exactly cheap.

There are other cases where season ticket holders have been told they haven’t attended enough games, even though they know they have. Are we ready for digital ticketing? Or do we need to wait until the technology improves, so it is consistent. Remember a few seasons ago, Arsenal fans were all locked out at the 1st game of the season.

Ticket touting? Not got any better, in fact, now that they are digital instead or paper, it is worse.

Ticketing website

As for Seatgeek, don’t even get me started. My trustpilot review would be less than one star. Checkout issues being the main problem. How many people had problems with Wembley play off tickets? Too many to mention. Come back queueing at the West Stand please, all is forgiven!

Season ticket pricing difference

For those of us who have had season tickets for a while, the renewal price might be a bit of a shocker. By the way, you don’t actually know your renewal price until you log in. Even then, you have to “add a card” (even if you have saved cards), get a bank transaction of £0.00 done, before you can renew. I digress. It’s a bit of a shocker this season, if you are a long standing ST holder.

If you only bought a season ticket around about the Bielsa Era, it isn’t as much apparently. However, if you bought one quite recently, the renewal price is apparently in line with inflation.

Why is this? The newer (perhaps more important and valued) ST holders moaned to our current custodians that they had to pay more than someone who was sat next to them. If only the current custodians just turned round and told them that we deserved to pay less because we had stood by the Club whilst others didn’t. Maybe if they had said, “frankly putting up with p*ss poor passing and abysmal shooting, deserves a bloody medal, let alone cheaper season tickets”, things would be different.

Yellow shirt

For literally a decade, we have wanted a yellow away shirt. For literally a decade, we were told, no one wants to buy a yellow shirt. We had puce pink, lilac, WYPT bus seats, stilton cheese, baby blue. Everything but yellow. This season we got a yellow shirt. I don’t even need to say anything else. It’s the best selling shirt ever. Hmmm.

Refreshments

Everyone wants to do everything on their phones. Cash is for dinosaurs. Order your poison on the McDs screens, it’ll be waiting for you. Many do not buy anything in the ground anymore.

Last week at Boro they must have raked in loads. Cash or cards.

Honestly, impulse buying plays a massive part in food and drink sales. When you are standing in that queue for your Bovril and someone goes past you with a pie and pint, all of a sudden the urge to get the same takes over. At Boro you get parmos, and very tasty looking chips and gravy / curry. I could really tell, but it smelt damn good. I wasn’t even hungry or thirsty, but I joined in once the aroma overcame me. How much money is our Club losing out on?

80% attendance

Regular attendance to ensure that the ground is filled isn’t necessarily a bad thing. No one wants to see an empty ground. Apparently, people are always desperate for a home ticket.

We don’t always sell out though (see above). Perhaps people are always desperate for tickets for matches they can get to. But not so always desperate on a Wednesday night in winter? Bit harsh, maybe?

Perhaps there could be a distinction between non attendance of regular fans v corporate fans? Certainly, if the West Stand does become majority corporate tickets, THAT would be interesting to see on  cold Tuesday night in November.

In the old days every seat sold was counted in the attendance records. A massive surprise in that season that West Ham fans boycotted home games, yet recorded big crowds, despite rafts of empty seats.

However, in the era of FFP, every filled seat counts. As does every shirt and other piece of tat. But then maybe if you allowed people to buy at the ticket office on the day / night, without needing a membership, it might help? Social media can quickly spread the word of seats still available. Tourists / walk ins might be useful? Better than going through a tout.

But to enforce an 80% rule is poor. What happens if you are unwell? What happens if work rings you and says you have to go in? In these times of austerity, people would struggle to say no. A season ticket is a seat purchased. End of discussion.

Email addresses

Every season ticket holder  / member needs an email address. Even if you are a member who probably doesn’t ever stick a chance of getting a ticket (home or away). Not everyone has the time or wherewithall to get on that website to get a ticket. Seriously – yes it still does happen. Especially away tickets. Regardless of age, a separate email address is needed. Even if a concerned ST parent does want a ST child to have an email address, there needs to be an email address. Why? It can only be for data harvesting.

If you are a parent and you pay for your childrens ST, is it really necessary for your children to provide a separate email address to Leeds? Evidently, it is. Despite recent concerns re on line safety in young children, that email is necessary. The digitally excluded don’t even get a nod. Apparently they don’t exist!

Know your price

With A1 / logarithms etc, knowing how much our season ticket should be easy. Each of us got sent an email, but it did not tell us how much the ST was. It’s not as if we were rocking up to the ticket office with a wad of cash, waiting for someone with a calculator to work it out. But you have to navigate that website, add a card and make a payment of £0.00 first. If you don’t like it, don’t worry the Club isn’t bothered. There’s 25k others wanting your seat. As for paying for your season ticket in cash at the ticket office…..

1st and last game loyalty

In years gone by, it used to be the case that the first and last games of the season were ring fenced for loyal fans. Loyal fans were prioritised. Seriously, this is what used to happened. The 1st and last games were always the ones that would be guaranteed sell outs, so your loyalty counted.

Loyalty

Once upon a time loyal or legacy fans were prioritised. Now, ostensibly, we are at best ignored, at worse resented, perhaps even treated with contempt. Not particularly disliked, just resented for being part of a history that isn’t relevant to current custodians, but will always be an uncomfortable reminder of what once was.

Once upon a time, our Club recognised and acknowledged that those legacy fans would be die hard enough to keep showing up, no matter how crap we played. When the average attendances plummeted after successive relegations, we stood by. Hopefully this will never be repeated. Regardless, we will still be there, whereas the one season wonders may not.

Parity

Seemingly at the Luton away game, our (current) CEO Mr Kinnear was seen handing out / offering fans tickets before the game outside Kenilworth Road. Given the tiny allocation, hardly any long standing fans actually got tickets to that game in the on line sales. But there he was, randomly handing out tickets. If those tickets were not being used, would it have been any hardship to put them back on sale on the website for loyal fans to buy and pick up on the day?

So much for the insistence that tickets should only go to people who have paid for Club membership. What happened to the rule that every ticket should be able to be traced back to it’s legal owner for safety reasons?

Again, after the Preston game, one of our owners was in Billys Bar and announced a free bar. How lucky the ones in Billys were. How unlucky the rest of us! Right time, right place? Just lucky.

Real v reality

Our Club claim that it wants Real fans. It is on the side of Real fans, because it listens to Real fans.

In that case, why in reality, is so much going on that a lot of fans are not happy with?

Well, I suppose we have finally got a yellow away shirt.

Are the “Real fans” the Club refers to, akin to the comparison drawn between astronauts like Helen Sharman and the “Real astronauts” like Katy Perry and the rest of the Entitled Smurf Space cadets?

Rich celebrities doing something, dressed up to the nines, on a big day out, just to say that they are Real and putting it on Social Media to prove that they are?

Is the gap between what the Club deem as real fans and what the actual fans are THAT big?

It’s that time of year again! Comes around quickly, doesn’t it? But yes, it’s here again!

That time of year, when there will be much heated debate amongst people who stand shoulder to shoulder with you at games. Time when the keyboard warriors will hurl insults, left, right and centre in a bid to prove they are right. A time when simple banter will become such a ferocious war of words, it will make finding the solution for World Peace a doddle.

Yes folks, it’s that time of year again. It’s season ticket renewal time!

ppp

Don’t get me wrong, most of us dread it, but equally eagerly look forward to it. Desperately, at times, anticipating the ritual that many of us have gone through for decades. Accepting, with relish to paying our annual dues to the harsh mistress that is Leeds United. Our one love who gives us so much joy, yet punishes us with so much misery.

In days gone by, you used to go to that big jar of coins that you collected over the season. More often than not, the result of emptying your pockets on a Sunday morning. Then when we got paper notes, it was coins and green / blue paper. For the tech savvy clever folk, a creation of a fund in the bank . I actually remember doing that once – a season ticket standing order! Which I emptied on the last day of the season to pay for next year. Yes, it was the last day of the season that I used to pay for it.

£££

Then came B*tes. We were skint. The football was rubbish. B*tes rubbed salt into the wound and made us pay up in January. Cold comfort at least for those loyal fans who paid £500 or £5000 for their 10 / 20 year bonds up front to help keep Leeds United afloat. Some of whom were forced from their nice seats on the half way line to make room for the B*tes corporate boxes in the Magnificent New East Stand. In exchange for them coughing up their hard earned £££ up front, they got a season ticket for 10/20 years at a cheaper rate.

By today’s standards, taking into account inflation, there would be NO One bar a small nation state who would or could, do that now. Build a new stand, I mean, not keep a club afloat! But, building a new stand by asking supporters to stump up the cash? It is never going to happen again. It would be the modern day equivalent of the Gen Z choosing between Leeds United or putting down a deposit for a mortgage. And the rest!

$$$

It’s irrelevant now, the world has changed. Football is unrecognisable nowadays. Things have moved on. Our beloved game is still about 22 men trying to stick a ball in the back of the net, but everything around it is different.

The off field activity is far more prominent now, and some would say, as much of a money spinning venture as the 90 minutes on the pitch. Yes, going / staying up is vital, but then again so is the corporate image of the global brand. Whether this will go hand in hand, and a happy, balanced partnership can be reached, is up for debate.

Take a look at the top teams in the PL. How happy are the fans? How united are the fans? No pun intended. Has the demand from the shareholders and owners got to the point where the desire of the fans been eclipsed? What do the satisfaction surveys show? Are the fans and the owners on the same page? Is the hymn sheet intact or torn into shreds?

₿₿₿

Is truly football about the fans?

Given the decision to get rid of concession ticket prices at some of the bigger PL clubs, I would say no.

https://thstofficial.com/press-release-support-our-petition-to-stop-the-erosion-of-senior-concession-tickets/

Spurs isn’t the only example of clubs refusing to have concession prices. The greed has no bounds.

Time and time again, when discussions about ticket prices come up, the Bundesliga example rears it’s head. For the PL owners, it’s an ugly head. Fancy the Germans treating its football fans better than the PL does. How dare the Bundesliga embarrass the PL by having reasonably priced tickets? The PL is the best league in the world isn’t it?

Yet it, and the British FA chooses to allow its fans to be ripped off by extortionate ticket prices, especially if you live in London. Even though the fans and the PL / FA know full well that ticket sale monies are a drop in the ocean compared to the revenue from advertising, sponsorship and TV rights.

https://thefsa.org.uk/news/fsa-writes-to-pl-calling-for-ticket-price-freeze/

As you can see, it is rampant. Thanks to FSA website for below photo.

Fairness

In our case however, some of the issues regarding season ticket pricing has been actually caused by our own fans. Our own fans who don’t accept the value of us “legacy” fans. The main reason why our season ticket prices have gone up again is because our new fans were complaining that someone sat next to them was paying less for their seat than they were. So to “equalise” this, the Club have chosen to increase our prices to appease them. Rather than saying tough to the 5,000 whingers, they chose to make the 20,000 legacy fans pay more. Reset and realign. Marching on together, further standardisation and sanitisation continues.

Robots.

For many, the word robot conjures up some man made, mechanical machine with flashing lights. Similar to 80s favourite of yesteryear, “Ready, Steady, are you set? For Metal Mickey?”

Another fave was the ever protective robot from the classic Lost In Space.

Danger Will Robinson. Yes, the photo is black and white – it’s how things were in the old days!

However, the word robot doesn’t come from some technological textbook. The origin comes from a 1920s Czech play R.U.R – Rossums Universal Robots by Karel Capek. Robot is derived from an old Church Slavic word “robota” meaning servitude, forced labour or drudgery. In the play, Rossum is a scientist who discovers how to create humanoid machines to help the whole world and mankind in general. Another scientist decides to improve on them by giving them more humanlike traits. Eventually the machines take over.

Similar to Skynet from Terminator, I suppose. I’ve ruined the plot of the play for you now, sorry.

What robot?

Why am I on about robots? Robots were just designed to do repetitive, menial tasks to make life easier and more convenient for humankind, weren’t they? Surely this is a footballing blog?

Well, for the first time ever, I was moved to agree with that goliath from the world of footballing punditry, Gary Neville. Remember him? He used to play for some insignificant football team, and now preaches about how we should behave, whilst doing the opposite thing. Qatar World Cup, Gary. Qatar.

Agreeing with the enemy.

Towards the end of some PL game on SkyTVisf**kings**t a few months ago, the home side was losing at 80 minutes. Rather than going for it and trying to get an equaliser to save face (or God forbid a win!), they just passed it around between the full backs and the goalie. Sound familiar? Nev lost his rag and started saying “just go forward and at least try to get a result” etc. etc. Finishing off his tirade with the words “they’re just like a load of robots”.

Sadly, this is the dire situation we are in. It’s not just us, most of modern football is played like it is on paper. Artificial, possession based (to the point of obsession) tippy tappy football. Plays and positions are drilled into players, replacing the vision, flair and creativity that all young footballers begin with. Basically most of PL teams do play like a load of robots.

Standardisation, sanitisation and sterilisation

I feel that these are the words which reflect the game today. Certainly at PL and EFL levels it is. I don’t watch much lower league football. Hope springs eternal that it is not going the same way though.

Everyone and everything needs to be the same, lest it be deemed an unfair advantage, or disadvantage depending on how you see it. Apart from FFP of course, which can be manipulated into anything to gain the advantage, as long as you have the right lawyers and money (Leicester City) to do so.

Standardisation.

If you look at an PL ground the dugouts basically look the same. Same seats, same layout, same coaching team, doing the same encroaching out of the area. The pitch is the same sand mass with a turf topping, sprayed extra green to look good. You have the same water sprayers, turned on at the same time in all weathers, under the same floodlights. Camera angles on the telly are identical. The wraparound stadia are practically mirror images of each other. Each carefully crafted by computer modelling, to get the best spectacle when viewed on the telly and designed for optimal ambience.

However the atmosphere at these grounds, especially when home teams are losing, is dreadful. Generally, it’s the usual suspects of Arsenal and Spurs, whose fans seem to turn on the team and manager without hesitation. Although, how many times have we in the Championship sung “Duh, duh, duh. Football in a library”? Semantics really, over the last few decades, but moreso in the last few years, the atmosphere in all grounds has deteriorated.

Sanitisation.

Basically fans are all encouraged (or influenced) to sing similar songs, to similar tunes, whichever happens to be on trend. Luckily, Marching On Together isn’t replicated anywhere else, but there’s time! We aren’t allowed to, or should I say, we are “actively discouraged” from singing about certain things or using certain language in case it offends. Football banter, in it’s purest form of spontaneous ferocity, just simply isn’t acceptable in 21st century soccer. We all have to be mindful of fans who don’t have the same mindset apparently. Not everyone can take a joke or even see things as a joke.

There’s no denying that there are some choice words heard in the stands, but the heyday of hooliganism in the 70s and 80s has long passed. Long gone are the days when what was said with discrimination and venom on the terraces, was utterly meant, and sometimes followed through after the game. We have moved on now.

But, banter isn’t banter anymore, it’s carefully researched, intensively rehearsed, scripted nonsense. Manufactured fakery at it’s best. That’s why Match of the Day is best watched on catch up, so you can fast forward and skip the punditry. Correspondingly, at least the EFL show has done away with Colin and now  just shows actual football. It’s much better that way. Cringeworthy Colin has ruined Countdown, by the way. I watch that on live pause now, so I can fast forward him and Riley’s terrible rehearsed repartee. Honestly, you can see the tumbleweeds rolling past poor Susie Dent in dictionary corner.

Sterilisation.

Undoubtedly, the future is bleak for common or garden fans but bright orange for those who want to be guaranteed the exact “immersive” experience on the box. Week in , week out, whether it’s a dull 0-0, or 7 goal bonanza, with the two hours of pre match build up but severely lacking in any decent actual commentary during the 90 minutes. Identical playing formations, uniform set pieces, analogous defending (defence) and corresponding attacking (offence). One big fat homogenous blob, with the tacky bonus of a light show if you are at Norwich or Sunderland. However, those OTT fire burners at Molyneux are toasty warm at the front of that stand in winter! Bonus.

Team full of robots

Consequently, we might as well be fielding a team full of robots.

Why? Because that is what is expected of modern football, and that is what we want, isn’t it? At least that is what they, as in PL, FL, EFL, think. (Add in the potential European Super League promoters FIFA and UEFA, and that list will read like a multinational criminal syndicate!). This, despite the fact that every player is a complete individual, and undeniably will react randomly at any given moment. They think that  observers (aka fans) deserve certainty and predictability for their money. Surely?

Choosing the robots

Consider a team full of Benders. I mean the lovable rogue, alcohol swilling, cigar smoking, “bite my shiny metal a*s”, wrong un robot from Futurama, of course.

It’d be like a team full of Klichys! Woohoo!

If you have never watched Futurama, apologies, you won’t understand the analogy. Just look at the pictures and imagine it. Bender is a robot who bends things, hence Bender. Self explanatory really. If you’ve never seen Futurama – just forget it!

Should you count replicants as robots, you could have 11 Rutger Hauers. This would technically mean a team full of Battys. Obviously Roy Batty was the name of his character in Bladerunner, not David Batty. Apologies to the film lovers reading this who know that analogy, not everyone knows Rutger Hauer was a Roy.

Robots like these would be the antitheses of the statisticians who want nice heat mapped, percentage based passing, interceptions and AI calculated xG. With these robot teams the metrics would be terrible! Not all robots can be like the NS-5s in Isaac Asimov’s classic , I, Robot. Incidentally, the Will Smith film was set in 2035, so there’s still 11 years to go for US Robotics to design and make preprogrammed, humanoid efficiency machines for the betterment of society. Hooray.

However, a team full of Benders or Battys would make great edge of your seat viewing, for those who prefer excitement and unpredictability. Otherwise known as flair, footballing knowledge and being able to read a game.

Raison D’Etre

Again, apologies to those with French O level, raison d’etre, loosely translated as “reason for being”. The message today, during the International break, is simply that I miss the old days. I hate this new modern game and I hate all the anti football commercialism that comes with it. Money, agents, corporate glad handing, advertising, gambling and shiny shinyness etc. etc.

Glory Days

I’m so lucky to have been brought up with the greats of Pele, Zico and Romario and of our own, great Don Revie side. Firstly, our Leeds United glory years, albeit on the telly / videos for me, but not for some. The names need no mention, just the word – legends. No need for expert dieticians and sports scientists for them. Two games per week, pitches like ploughed fields and tackles with actual pointy studs were swiftly dealt with, by a couple of pints and a ciggie at half time.

Secondly, what a wealth of extraordinary talent we used to see when the qualifiers were on. It used to be just midweeks and there were less countries in those days. Remember, we rarely saw foreign players on England soil, until Ossie Ardilles came to Spurs in the 70s. The likes of Cruyff, Toshack, Maradona and Platini were only seen a few times a year, and it was great! Of course, I know there were some decent German players in those days, but for obvious reasons, Rummenigge, Muller, Roth and that cheat Beckenbauer hardly deserve a mention.

Mavericks and rule breakers

They were true mavericks of the game. They didn’t play by the rules, they made them and broke them. We had them in England too, not just our own Leeds United legends, but Stan Bowles, Bobby Moore, George Best, Duncan McKenzie, Frank Worthington, Tony Currie, Charlie George, Alan Hudson, John Robertson at Forest to name but a few. There was once a quote from an old centre forward, “there’s no point running yourself ragged all day, if you are too knackered to kick the ball in the net when it comes to you”. Unpredictable and temperamental but exciting.

The advent of foreign football on the telly

Undoubtedly, we had the phenomenon of Total Football from Ajax in the Eredivise. But, through the decades we had the likes of Serie A giants Baggio, Batistuta, Pirlo, Del Piero, Totti, Maldini, Inzaghi and Costacurto. Not forgetting Cafu, Buffon, Shevchenko and Costa. Then came the La Liga, “Los Galacticos” and Barca. Money was thrown at Figo, Zidane, Ronaldo (the proper one) and Beckham by Madrid  Presidente Florentino Perez, to buy the league. FFP? Hahaha, hahaha, hahaha. Mind you, Jack Walker was doing the same for Blackburn at the time! Granted, there was already Raul and Roberto Carlos in the ranks. Barca’s answer? Ronaldinho, Deco, Eto’o, Rivaldo, Iniesta, Xavi and of course Messi, more than matched Madrid.

Maestros

All these players were / are ultimate footballers, exciting, precocious and in Messi’s case, mercurial. I’ve missed out many names, but remember, not all of the above were centre forwards. Roberto Carlos was a full back , yet his penetrating runs provided many a goal. A bit like Tony Dorigo and Mel Sterland but a tad smaller in stature, a bit more tanned, and possible slightly faster. He was also a dead ball specialist, with one of the best records for scoring from set pieces. Matched by Beckham, and our own, Ian Harte. Notwithstanding the midfield maestros (how could I forget Makelele?) and stalwart centre halfs providing immovable walls in defence.

English equivalents

Division 1 had Matt Le Tissier, Teddy Sheringham, Tony Adams, Bergkamp and Gazza. The PL had Thierry Henry, Viera, Ronaldo (the other one), bitey Suarez, Droghba, Aguero and Cesc Fabregas. We had our own too, as Cantona does kind of count. Can we forget “Yeboah, Yeboah”, “Batty’s gonna get ya” and “all we want is a team of Radebes”?

Common denominators

Undeniably, all these players have one thing in common. They are all unique. The moulds have been broken.

Admittedly they have similar certain traits but it is how they use their speed and agility, apply the expertise to read the game, and capability to play as a team and in Messi’s case, knowledge of where the two sticks are, which makes them great.

Modern football

Unfortunately, there are no such modern day equivalents. Although Messi is still kicking about somewhere in the desert. For a short time, Leeds United had Stuart Dallas – the Cookstown Cafu and of course, Kalv – the Yorkshire Pirlo and Raphinha. Things could have been so much different if Kalv had stayed, and had they not done the dirty on Bielsa.

Although, in PL recent history for a time Ward Prowse was a free kick specialist and KDB was phenomenal a few years ago. Nowadays if Grealish’s talent could be harnessed by more first team football, whilst fawning less over his highlights, there’s hope. Concurrently, there is goal scoring machine, Erling Haaland and potential in Foden at Citeh, but where else is the talent? Cole Palmer I suppose is up and coming, but there really is a paucity of sustained talent in the ranks.

The bare bones.

To strip football down to it’s bare bones, the aim is to get more goals than the other team in 90 minutes. There should be more work into how that can be achieved at Club and at league level by the scientists. Football specialists should be concentrating their efforts on improving the physical and mental aspects of the game. The evidence on the telly suggests that there are more statisticians than sports scientists. Why do we need someone to produce an algorithm, which you can look at in the build up to kick off, check at half time and then see if it was right at the end of the 90 minutes? Do the robot programmers get extra points if they predict it right?

Humans v AI

I feel flair and originality has been beaten out of the game. Individuality has been bred out of the modern game because of the incessant desperate need for some number cruncher to churn out stats about how far someone has run on the pitch and see if the computer gets it right about predicting the score from that computer robot model. I’m old school and I just don’t get it. Sorry.

The betterment of sport.

Commentators

The one group who do actually benefit from all these stats are the prematch, half time and post match commentators. Equally across all sports too, I’m guessing, but moreso with football. It isn’t just me, lots of people think that the calibre of commentary is poor. During the game on the telly, it’s not really commentary Mottie style is it? It’s just a couple of people having a chat half the time. At least in the old days it was proper audio description, so if you couldn’t see it, you knew what was going on. I’m not asking for horse racing type, second by second description, but at least some idea of what is going on. Just pretend people actually want to know what is going on, on the pitch.

Words don’t come easy

If you ever watched or listened to Jeff Stelling, Mers, Phil Thompson, Le Tissier, Charlie Nicholas and Rodney Marsh on Soccer Saturday, you know they had a certain chemistry. To be fair even James Richardson, Ally McCoist, Richard Keys and Andy Gray had a certain swagger about them. Banter was banter with them. It was just like being in a pub after the game. The art of conversation was completely mastered and in full flow, oh and by the way, this was what was happening up and down the country. They had amassed libraries of encyclopaedic footballing knowledge between that small group. Compare that to now. It’s a shadow of it’s former self, even with McInally and Paul Merson back in the frame.

This is where the magic happens

Here is where the stats come in. If you don’t really know too much about two teams and their match history, you can easily look like you do by reading through the notes given to you by the number crunching magic pixies. With the help of heat maps and percentage passes completed, you can look like you know what you are talking about. With the aid of all this AI, you can quote figures and performances as if you had sat through every game ever played. Hey presto. Mega pundit!

You could get a robot to do it.

Ah, go on. Gwan, Gwan ,Gwan.

Mrs Doyle off of Father Ted. Classic comedy.

They truly broke the mould with this one.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about – what the heck were you watching in the 90s? If you can’t remember, then just watch the link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhhekdyJYZI

It is comedy gold. Ah go on. Gwan, gwan, gwan.

Ah go on!

Last last Saturday against Burnley, that’s what most of us were saying. Ah go on. Gwan. Unlike Mrs Doyle, we weren’t asking if anyone wanted a cup of tea, we were just asking to Gwan – shoot.

I’ve already put myself through the first half of the match again via SkyTVisf**kings**t. I’m not looking forward to the second half. At one point, Burnley were playing 4 up front. 4 up front, let alone 4,4,2 or 3,5, 1,1, or whatever formation we play. Yes, our 3 defenders were at one point defending against 4 attacking players. It isn’t a pleasant watch, that 45 minutes. I don’t even want to watch the second half. Even Jaidon Anthony, the guy that Farke hardly ever let on the pitch, was getting in the box.

How depressing.

When we got in the box, there were far too many flashy flicks, dinks and lay offs. What we needed was someone to aim in between the sticks and put their foot through the ball, rather than scuffing it or hitting it straight at the keeper.

Apart from the ball handed to Joseph on a plate in the first 2 minutes, we only had a couple more chances. But, for whatever reason, no one seemed to want to shoot, opting to go for a pass to someone / anyone else instead. It seemed like they had been told, in no uncertain terms, that only Joseph was allowed to have a shot in the box. There were far too many touches to no avail.

Ampadu seemingly was the only one allowed to shoot from outside the box too. When we got a free kick or throw in, regardless of which half we were in, all we did was send it straight back to Meslier. It’s now getting so easy to read us. We are like an open book, which has been flattened, words in font size 20 and in capitals.

Anyone who watches tennis will know, certain players have a ritual that they stick to before they serve. Rafa Nadal infamously had such a long routine of shirt tugs, hair tugs, nose wipes, shoulder shrugs etc. he almost forfeited points due to the length of time taken to serve. But stick to it he did, and he didn’t do too badly I guess. We have the same for every free kick and throw in.

Will we be doomed to be on the google list of “quirky sporting rituals” like Nadal too? Are we that predictable and formulaic?

Please, we can’t honestly be condemned to stick to the same routine every time the we win a throw in or free kick, can we? The trouble is, it happens so often that it seems that we are, even if we aren’t. Having watched a few PL games on the box, I can see that playing the ball out from the back is part of the new “modern” game. But does that mean we all have to do it? Why can’t we be different? Are we doomed to saying Gwan Gwan to no avail, because the players simply won’t go on.

Burnley clearly didn’t stick to modern game plan. Yes, they played it out from the back, but also chopped and changed, at least in the first 45 minutes so far they have. They attacked from just about every opportunity, shot from outside the box as well as inside. Hardly anyone tried to walk the ball in the back of the net.

The trouble is, we have had successive managers stick to their style of play. I saw a post referring to SkinnyJeans’ style of play as “penisball”.  I’m assuming it meant the shape of the formation, as opposed to anything else

Bielsa’s style was just

I’m not qualified as a manager, but the phrase is, if it works , don’t fix it. In Bielsa’s case, injuries were his main problem. You don’t get to 9th in your 1st season in the PL if it doesn’t work.

And before everyone starts going on about Bielsa’s stats at the end of his tenure, he did have a load of injuries. Our lynchpin Kalvin had been out for ages, as had Bamford and Coops. The spine of the team was decimated, but Kalv and Sir Patrick were set to return imminently. They should have just waited a bit longer. Our last 10 games last season weren’t exactly much better, otherwise known as relegation form.

Some SkyTVisf**kings**t Bielsa stats before Leeds ditched him:

this is copy and pasted from a Sky Sports report, please note the teams we were against.

Our end of last season run in, note our opponents with only Rutter playing with an injury

Just doing a small comparison for balance of course. It’s important to look at the totality and not just pick and choose which stats you want to believe because it suits your opinion. Looking at snapshots in isolation to make your point, renders things meaningless.

I know, I am so biased. I admit it. But let’s face it, you’re not reading this blog for journalistic impartiality, are you? This is my truth, not anyone elses’. This isn’t Verified Live with their “settled science” or that bloke off Look North who does the weather. I’m about as impartial as the BBC, but I am not burdened with scandal. Bonus!

Gwan

I’ve never been a fan of predictive and prescriptive football. Neverending stats about touches, passes, runs, tackles, distance covered, heat maps (!) bear absolutely NO relevance at all to entertaining and competitive football. The only people these stats are important to are the statisticians themselves, the people who input all the data and the companies who this AI belongs to. And of course the betting companies who milk their money in from people who gamble on these sorts of things. Knowing how far someone has run on the pitch and how many passes they have completed means nothing. Zilch.

Take the Citeh game yesterday against Arsenal. At one point Citeh had 105 passes to Arsenal’s 4. The result was 2-2. After Arsenal went down to 10 men they played 1, 6, 3. Citeh’s possession stats look amazing and but that whole dynamic XG (expected goals thing) was well out. Meaningless stats. Unless you are someone who believes that “the performance was more important than the points”, of course.

Gwan, gwan

And so to the display two days ago against Cardiff. Firstly, Cardiff – bottom of the league. Secondly, the game’s a free hit for us as it’s still technically post international break and we’d already lost against Burnley. Thirdly – we’ve got all these new players who have done well in the internationals.  What the bejesus was going on then?

They went down to 10 men early doors, it should have been cricket score against a team rock bottom of the league. Imagine what would have happened if Farke had taken the advantage of the extra man and stuck Piroe on straight away. It would have saved everyone slagging off Pascal for manning up to take the penalty. So many have forgotten it was Pascal who stepped up at Preston away, the only highlight of the day. And who took the penalty against Portsmouth?

Again, so many have selective memories to suit their whingeing.

Gwan, gwan, gwan

A show of strength and defiance came forward from the resolute 10 men of Cardiff.

No it didn’t. I’m lying, they were dreadful. But we made them look like they were unwavering and undaunted at our advantage. At times, they looked the more eager to score, but only because we fell over ourselves so much in the final third. We were crying out for substitutions early on to capitalise on the extra man, but we had to wait til nearly the flipping end of the game to see one. A fair number of us started chanting “attack, attack, attack”, hoping to God that this would be the impetus for change. We’d given up saying Gwan, gwan , gwan 10 minutes into the second half because it was pointless. We might as well have been saying go back, go back, go back.

At 84 minutes, finally a forward came on. And at 87 minutes we scored. The 8 minutes of stoppage time was about as unwelcome as a dose of the runs.

As difficult as it is for many to admit, we miss the days of heart stopping, spine tingling, breath holding Bielsaball. It was truly amazing, entertaining, competitive football. There was a passion there which I haven’t seen since, and probably will never see again.

I struggle so much with this patient playing out from the back. Watching us pass the ball sideways and backwards waiting for a perfect pass forward drives me bananas. Especially as the offside trap is our eternal enemy and Joseph just hasn’t enough experience yet to read the game, and get into space away from his marker. Missing the opportunity to get a free kick or a long throw in into the box for a glancing headed goal, only drives up the frustration level. As cheap as it sounds, the most important thing is winning. We could have 99% of possession but it would translate into nothing if the oppositions 1% possession resulted in a goal. The focus needs to be on scoring a goal, set piece or open play or ugly pinball style scramble in the box. It doesn’t matter. Winning matters. Points matter.

In the grand scheme of things, however, some other things are important too.

RIP Sol Bamba, truly taken too early.

The Sea is like a cruel mistress. You can love her, you can hate her, but you can never trust her. Always taking but never giving. This is quote from a film called Maidentrip made in 2013, but you can imagine Johhny Depp saying it as Captain Jack Sparrow in discussions with Mr Gibbs, so here is the gratuitous Pirates photo from Yahoo

She is a thing of beauty, offering you mystery, hope and longing. Drawing you towards her, tempting you. There is a strange enchantment, you just cannot keep away. It cannot be explained but once seen, you watch and you keep coming back. She can give you the comfort of a lapping peaceful wave, but turn into a torrential tidal wave that will thrash you to smithereens.

Much like the sea, Leeds United is too, a cruel cruel mistress.

I’ve never had a mistress, but I have had Leeds United for decades, when would I have the time? I shower my club with  love and devotion. I lavish most of my money and precious hours, days and months on Leeds. And what do I get in return? Last season – that’s what I get!

Yet here I am! Back for more.

Happy New Season everyone.

It’s back. 9 more months of being kept prisoner to the actions of 11 men running up and down a bit of (sprayed) green, heavily watered pitch. With the added bonus of all the shenanigans of those in the Ivory Tower that is Fortess Elland Road and it’s keep, Thorp Arch. Stockholm Syndrome every week (twice a week if we are lucky!) for the next 36 weeks.

We are likes slaves, chained to the fortunes of these few. And like anyone under the spell of a cruel mistress – we will want it. We will want it so badly, that we will pay whatever it takes to be able to bask in it’s aura. Blood, sweat and tears. And depending on how desperate you are to watch us at an away game – a kidney or some other body organ which is spare. Whatever it takes to be there. Unless you are one of these lucky ones. If you can count forking out £850 lucky.

https://www.leedsunited.com/en/news/202324-away-season-tickets

I know this is from last season, but there isn’t a link to this seasons info, so it will have to make do.

Some of you won’t understand why I use the phrase “cruel mistress” to describe what some of you believe to be the love of your life. Who am I to call your first love “cruel”?

I am the one who sat through the dross of the start of the season hoping to God that we would have a full clear out of the legacy of SkinnyJeans’s and the 3 amigos X2 madness. I oohed and aahed over our unbeaten form after the losses at Preston etc. after Christmas / New Year. Then I sat through the last 10 games post Internationals, where we just seemed to pass backwards and sideways for eternity. I sat by helplessly whilst we lost our ground, when we were finally top after that Leicester game. The seemingly undaunting task of simply equalling the form of those below us, was that bridge too far.

Then THAT Norwich game away. THE Masterplan. Hold them at Carrow Road and beat them at Fortress ER. Even at 3 -0 up, (free) scarves awaving, I was still worried that we’d play it out from the back and get caught. But we didn’t. 4 -0. A resounding win of epic proportions. Then Wemberley, Wemberley. No comment, besides good day out before the game. Then torture.

Leeds United, she’s a cruel, cruel mistress. That – nobody can deny. Aaargh Captain Jack.

It is true to say that I have fallen in and out of love with Leeds United many, many times. Far too many times of late. Yet however cruel the mistress she is, I have repeatedly come back for more. Many of you are the same as I. Even though many won’t admit it. As I have got older, I have failed to get any wiser to her charms.

Progress

Football’s changed and continues to change. For the sake of “progress” ? We are told, we need to keep evolving and keep up with the times.

Whilst I agree the game thankfully has not changed, in as much it is still 22 men chasing a round thing, trying to get it in between two sticks for 90 minutes. The game has changed with “rounder” (can that actually be a thing?) balls, goal line technology / VAR and extra subs. The concerns round concussion and “elf and safety” have added more protection. Unlike football boots, which are a far cry from what we had in PE in the 70s! These new boots are as light as a feather. If I had these when I was a kid, I wouldn’t have any ankles left against the studs we used to play in.

I accept that in the old days, the only time millions used to watch a game live on the telly was 3pm on F A Cup Final day on the BBC. Now, everyone can watch every game all day, every day. In the old days, football was for the masses. Modern football is for the whole world, which is a good thing, I know. Tales of old, tell of people struggling to find out the results in Australia. Ah, the old days of listening to the results on the transistor radio. Or at least walking round the house with the radio, waving your arm in the air, trying to get reception. AM / FM. We were wired for sound.

The actual format of the game hasn’t changed. Or at least it hasn’t yet, from two halves of 45 minutes. But who knows? I have no doubt that in the future, it may become four quarters of the game, interdispersed with flamethrowers, cheerleaders and musical breaks. The way in which football has changed however, is that it is much more of a business.

We laughed at B*tes when he said that football was about more than 23 games (in relation to ER). Flipping ‘eck – he could see into the future and he was right! I never thought I would say that!

Football as we know it has changed. It IS a business now. Gone are the days of Jack Walker etc. buying Blackburn the league for the love of the game. Small Sovereign states are now buying the PL for the wealth that football generates from advertising, gambling, selling rights and all the rest that the consumeristic greed that ensues from a global brand. Football IS more than 23 games. It is football agents and fees, FFP, European (current) and Global (planned) leagues. Our modern game is the belittling of our domestic cups and winter breaks to “rest” players (play abroad for £££).

In 1888, none of the original 12 would / could have ever dreamt that over a century later, this is what it has become.

What to do?

As fans, and matchgoing fans at that (so far anyway), what can we do?

Nothing really. We just have to sit by and hope to God that we can still be that which we have been – matchgoing fans. But how long for? How long before £££ becomes more important than fans at games?

There’s talk that some of the PL clubs have already done away with concession prices for matches. Most will remember the days when Leeds had dynamic pricing. Reasoning? To encourage us to buy tickets early, cos we were a bit sh*t, and no one was going in those days. Yes – that DID happen. Leeds were rubbish and no one really wanted to go. You could walk up to the gates, well ticket office at least, at ER and pay on the day! Although it cost you more than if you’d bought it a week earlier. Yes – the ticket office WAS open most days of the week. Honest!

Leeds have already given up the under 11s prices. So, as far as I know, they will have to pay the same as under 16s? How long before they get rid of the over 65s concessions?

Complain and explain

As fans we are a bit like the Royal Family, never complain , never explain. I’m JOKING! We do complain, but we rarely get an explanation.

However, we don’t complain, we MOAN. We daren’t complain.

Who complains at a cruel mistress? No one. Lest they withdraw their favours and your privileges. We fear the repercussions and consequences of complaining. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Although I don’t think Newton was talking about football when he said that.

It’s now been a fair while since we had someone purporting to be the “voice” of the fans slating our players and demanding the removal / resignation of the Board. Whilst we know, these social media campaigns etc. are ephemeral, I fear that this was the start of the end of constructive dialogue and any discussions with those in power at Leeds United. It feels to me that information is just being dispersed not discussed.

I don’t know who / if anyone representing fans is actually having any discussions with Leeds United.  Certainly there have been decisions / changes at Leeds of late which don’t look like there has been fan involvement, but I could be wrong. Although, we have FINALLY got a yellow away shirt – hurrah!

The decision way back when of making the Pavilion corporate only was a poor one. NE corner fanzone is a poor substitute, especially for families and when it’s cold and peeing it down. This season better facilities have been promised though. Don’t even get me started on the digital tickets! I can only hope that the turnstile queues are better this season.

But it seems more and more that things are simply being announced. Increases in season ticket prices (twice in succession, and again next season), removal of under 11 pricing, removal of superaway category, games behind closed doors pre season etc. And then, last night, they announced that Sheff Weds tickets will go on sale today, at 1pm. 16 hours notice to get time off work, to try for a £45 (plus £1.50 booking fee) Sheff Weds ticket. Fantastic!

Things happening behind closed doors that we don’t know about, without a doubt. I’d  hasten to say that had we got promoted, things might have been a bit different. Probably? No, definitely. But we didn’t get promoted. We are still here. This must have been our Plan B? Surely?

It’s difficult though. You’d like to think that during the closed season, there might have been some discussion at least. Possibly may well have been, but I haven’t seen anything official on the website. It would be nice to know who / if anyone representing fans is involved.

My feelings personally are that it is up to the Club what they spend their money on and what they are going to do. After all, it’s their money. I don’t want any fan sat on the board inputting into that. Most of us can’t agree on what went on in the game we just watched, so there is no hope whatsoever that one person can speak on behalf of all fans.

However, anything that actually affects us, like facilities, pricing etc. I would like there to be at least some discussion or email survey or something. Not like the whole Swillington fix that Ridsdale did. No one I knew voted for us to move away from ER. Absolutely no one. That was rigged. Thankfully it never went through. I mean a proper survey, or just some feedback. All electronic unfortunately, so the digitally excluded would be – well – excluded. Just something. Anything.

Hopefully there is a Parliamentary Act in the offing, which does enable at least some dialogue. That’s a big job though. Undoubtedly, the views of the millions of fans who will never get an opportunity to go to ER and are happy to watch it on the telly, will outweigh the views of the 36,750 who can actually watch it live. There is no doubt about that. But it doesn’t mean that matchgoing fans don’t count. No one likes to feel that they are being ignored. The club know we will be back for more, every season, no matter what happens. We will forego our friends and family just to be at her mercy.

So, you see, Leeds United is a cruel mistress. Happy new season everyone! Let the fun commence!

They call me Mellow Yellow – classic 60’s Donovan.

I wish!

You younger readers will have to look Donovan up. Mellow Yellow wasn’t his best work. Catch The Wind is my personal favourite. But back in the day it was just a song about being – well – mellow. Cool and chilled.

As is the won’t of the newer generations, people want to know what the song “actually” meant. Was it that smoking banana skins made him high? Like most songs penned in the 60s, it could have been about anything. It was a good tune. We should just leave it at that. He was a singer in the 60s, he probably was mellow. Unlike most of us right now. We are certainly not mellow and neither are we yellow.

Yellow

None of us are yellow, even if we wanted to be. Definitely not a fortnight last Sunday at Carrow Road. It would have been an interesting conundrum if we did have a yellow away strip, wouldn’t it? We would have been clashing with all those flags in their end behind the goal. Flags that looked great, but all were gathered in at half time. Not like the scarves we were all given at ER the other night. Master stroke? At least the freebies weren’t a few hundred short, like the Stuey dallas T shirts at Highbury.

But we don’t have a yellow strip. Why? Borussia Dortmund wear yellow. They have a very famous yellow wall, don’t they? What’s wrong with yellow? Leeds is actually twinned with Dortmund too.

I, like many others want, and have been wanting us, to go back to the “blue, yellow and white, football in a Yorkshire Rose” for ages. It’s iconic. The YEP and Top Man shirts take us back to happier times, when football was for the fans and SkyTVisf**kings**t did not exist.

It was the days when football was played at 3pm on a Saturday, before big money meant you could buy the league and before you needed to spend money on a smartphone / technology to just get a ticket. Simpler times, happier times.

But, our Club stopped doing a yellow kit in the late 2000s after our brief foray into Europe, and then briefly revived it in 2015/16, when were weren’t happy nor iconic.

This probably wasn’t the most memorable season of football ever, though.

Back to the now. Are we mellow yellow?

This weekend at Wembley we are the “home” team, so we are playing in white and can’t be  mellow yellow. Even if we wanted to be, which we aren’t.

Mellow.

I am that.

I’ve decided if we win and get promoted that’s fine. But even if we lose and stay in the 2nd tier, it is still ok. It’s a bit like the character Ivan from the Mary Whitehouse Experience. Yes! It’s okay! See below

https://youtu.be/02i5GfKiVrQ

The Mary Whitehouse Experience –  the days when David Baddiel and Rob Newman were funny. Any of you under the age of 50 will have absolutely NO idea what I am on about, but just watch the clip. It’s the bit at the end, it’s immature, adolescent and juvenile, but funny.

In a nutshell

Given our situation at the end of last season where we had the three amigos (twice over) trying to keep us up, nothing could compare to THAT. The 1st trio of Michael Skubala, Paco Gallardo and Chris Armas were followed by the 2nd unholy triumvate of Big Sam, Robbie Keane and Karl Robinson, all vying to undo the wrongs of SkinnyJeans. Too little , too late my friends.

So low was the bar to our April / Mays of late, only managing 2 victories out of the last 8 games of this season proper, still wasn’t enough to dampen the spirits of the loyal. This is technically relegation form in any other book. We were flying high at the top of the league. Leicester were a laughing stock in Leeds after their “it’s just another game to us” quip. We had the title in our hands, no one can deny it.

All we needed to do was win or at least get better results than Leicester and we would have won the league. Sadly not to be. Blackburn, Coventry and QPR! We only beat Boro because their two best players, Ayling and Greenwood weren’t able to play, thank God. Defeat snatched from the jaws of victory.

Yet STILL, all we could think about was the miserable start to the season where the legacy of SkinnyJeans and his wayward player purchases inflicted more damage than anyone could have ever imagined. And, anyone who still thinks that the dismissal of Bielsa and subsequent appointment of SkinnyJeans was a good idea, might as well just ….. go forth and multiply ….. to Canada!

Bielsa will never come back, but like the song goes, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. He was wronged. WRONG WRONG WRONG. But he has gone, and that is that. At some point, the truth might out. But like the conundrum of “who owns the ground?” in the B*tes and Weasel Shaun Harvey era, we may NEVER find out what went on.

Was it Radrizzani who couldn’t stand being constantly in the shadow of Bielsa? Was it Orta who wanted to be the main man? Orta was certainly the Fall Guy for it all. Or, was it the players who thought they didn’t need Marcelo making them train all the time to be PL superstars? Was it because the board wanted more control which Bielsa did not want to relinquish? Was Jean Paul Augustin the catalyst to our demise? No one knows, and probably no one will ever know.

At the end of the day, we had a record breaking unbeaten run at home this season. Until the international break, we WERE Fortress Elland Road. Could the damage inflicted in the Wales penalty defeat really have hampered us so much? Have we been far too reliant on Ampadu (du, du), Rodon, Roberts and James? In no uncertain terms we have missed Dan James, and much to the chagrin of the Bamford haters, we have also missed Patrick. How much were Gnonto, Summerville and Piroe affected? Was Archie being played too much? Was Summerville’s head turned (like Kalv’s was) during the Internationals? ps look how well that turned out for Kalvin.

Or was it simply that we have been found out? It took two and a bit years for Bielsa to be found out. Have advances in pitchside surveillance technology made it easier to work out Farke’s game plan? It’s not really that hard though, is it? We play out from the back. All the time. Apart from Norwich at home, when Meslier played more long balls in the first 45 minutes than he had all season.

We play out from the back and try to get the ball to Summerville. Summerville will run down the wing and try to cut in and score (like his song). So, put two on Summerville and that cuts that avenue out straight away. The other option is to give it to Rutter, who will get the ball, run with it, then stop and turn clockwise (left like Zoolander) and fend off two before passing it to Summerville or Gnonto. Put two on him and that shuts another door. Too easy?

I am a bit sick of watching us pass the ball backwards, even from free kicks in the opposition’s half. I fret at how uneasy Meslier is on the ball before he tries to decide whether to give it to Rodon or Ampadu (du,du). If the opposition is clever, and run onto him, we risk giving the ball away. Suicide football. How much I miss the days of an old fashioned centre half foisting the ball into the East Stand! As much as people berate Cooper, and to some small extent, Struijk, how much pressure would have been taken off Meslier if we’d have just cleared it? Folk still moan about Meslier, the goalie who has kept the most clean sheets this season. Yes, Meslier.

Holding onto a one or two nil freaks me out too. Skinnyjeans did that. Remember Southampton in his honeymoon period? In fact his first game against Leicester when we should have won. Holding onto a draw, we were. It used to and still does put the hee bee gee bees up me. Whatever happened to going one nil up and going in for a second , then going for the kill with a third?

Norwich at home was a classic example. I genuinely didn’t stop worrying until we were four up. Although, Norwich in the semis was an uncertainty all in itself. After the first game at Carrow Road, where we had two shots on goal all game, I honestly thought the plan was to hold out for penalty shoot out at home with the crowd behind us. Even then, I couldn’t help thinking we would lose 5-4 on pens.

The mantra at the start of any season is, 1st, 2nd or 7th once relegation has been ruled out.

Play Offs

Once it looked like we weren’t going up as champions or second, play offs were a foregone conclusion with so few teams of any real PL worth apart from us and Southampton. All the talk about it being no shame that we didn’t get promoted on 90+ points, didn’t hold water for me. The other teams in the league are pants. Honestly, they are. Which is why it annoys me so much that we didn’t just get automatic promotion.

Coventry loss, Sunderland a mere draw which saw the ball not stray to our right side at all in the first 25 minutes. Blackburn FFS. Then a round thrashing by QPR. One win out of Coventry, Blackburn or QPR would have seen us go into the Southampton game either already up or just needing a draw.  Southampton who would have been saving their players for the play offs. But, we just couldn’t do it. And that is the disappointment and frustration of today. We needn’t have been doing this.

Needless

We needn’t have been spending money and time on tomorrow.

We could have been spared hours of trying to get on line to buy a ticket, only to be sat staring at a screen wondering why the page was taking us to another page saying error. Seriously, how many of you reading this were fit to burst for two hours trying to figure out what was going on? How many of you just wanted to sit with your mates but couldn’t get four seats together, even though they looked available when you added them all into your basket? Why was that so difficult? And, how many of the digitally excluded struggled to get a ticket?

We needn’t have been putting ourselves through £10 – £15 pints of crap beer and tenner on something outside the ground that looks like it has been reconstituted from insects and fungi, tomorrow. We could have been spared hours on trainline trying to get a good deal on train fares and travel. Oh the excitement of Wembley! Not really. We haven’t done well in play offs for decades. Yes, some of you won’t remember the epic fails of previous play offs and Cup finals. I do. If only we’d have beaten bloody Blackburn! I would be on holiday right now! I’d be looking forward to fixtures in June and maybe even preseason.

Plus, this is all before the gossip about season ticket holders selling their tickets on for profit. That really isn’t on. But, there’s nothing like a play off final for the skankers to all come crawling out of the woodwork. Should you ever skank a fellow Leeds fan? If you have any decency, no.

Still, I am mellow about tomorrow.

Win, we go up. This means fewer games and cheaper tickets. But many long Southern and London trips with smaller allocations – and Bournemouth.

We lose. More shorter trips, larger allocations (apart from Luton), more expensive tickets but some cracking pub stops.

So, yeah. Mellow yellow.

As the song goes, whatever will be, will be. And as a final flourish, just because I know this annoys some, win, lose or draw Always Leeds Always Loyal