Low Growls Not Barking Mad

After multiple replays of Sean Dyche and his low growls after that game, it sounded like Boxing Day deja vu, following the over indulgence of turkey, pigs in blankets and roasties, oh and half a packet of after eight mints. In this years’ Christmas Battle of Man v Food, my stomach will testify that food definitely won. Although I have to say that my tummy rumblings were less biased than Sean Dyche’s interview today.

Is it just me, or does anyone else see Preston the bulldog from Aardman’s “A Close Shave” everytime Sean opens his mouth? Both the normal version and the terminator one, just to clarify.

Today’s game wasn’t pretty to watch, especially that second half, or rather the last 20 minutes of the second half. Mind you, the first half wasn’t that much to look at either, until someone finally told the cameraman on the West Stand touchline near the dug outs that his lens needed cleaning. It was nearly the end of the first half before it looked slightly better than “The Big Match” re runs on ITV4.

It’s amazing how now that we are forced to watch our games on the telly due to bloody bat flu, you realise just how crap the TV coverage actually is. Unbelievably, even though I have had 3 hours in the pub before the game normally, I manage to see more of the game than the 8 strategically placed  cameras can capture during a TV broadcast. Admittedly, I tend to watch what is actually going on the pitch according to where the ball is, rather than obsessively focusing my attention on the dugouts, 30 seconds of a man chewing gum is 29 seconds too much. You’d think with all this goal line technology and split second replays, that 89 minutes of a 90 minute game would actually be following the play (VAR decisions notwithstanding). Even if the ball goes out for a throw in or a corner, what is to stop the continuity man just showing the few seconds build up which resulted in said free kick etc. Plus, when there is a corner, why they don’t do the wide angle shot so you can watch the run ins from outside the box, is beyond me. Like I said in an earlier post, it makes you think that the people choosing the camera angles aren’t actually football fans. Maybe there is an a ulterior motive, like sponsorship deals for chewing gum or toothpaste brands? Who knows, but it is really annoying.

Not as annoying as Jamie “dey do do dat doh don’t dey doh” Carragher. Once again, the commentary team of Andy and Dan excelled themselves today. All they have to do is provide ball by ball commentary on what’s going on the pitch. Like the inimitable Roy Walker on Catchphrase – “say what you see”. It’s not really that difficult is it? I’m pretty sure that in front of them some number cruncher minion will have prepped all the stats needed for them for that game, so that when nothing is happening, they can spout some figures to make themselves look a bit clever. But no, short of the commentary team being made up of people without a grudge or at least being able to be impartial for 90 minutes, you’d be better off getting one of those guys who does the commentary on horse racing doing it. At least they can make it sound a bit exciting and you know they’ll only give you the actual facts. That Peter O Sullivan, now he knew a thing or two about sports commentary.

They can leave all the bias and the “in depth game analysis” to the three clowns sat around that tiny table in the studio. What is the point of that tiny coffee table anyway? It’s way too low to put your pint on (or tea mug if you’re feeling delicate). You can’t even rest your feet on it. They’d be better off with a Dickie Davis style of hip high desk, to hide those hideous hipster trousers and non shiny shoes. With all the money they make, you’d think they could afford to pay someone to clean their shoes at least and press their trousers.

I understand, the way that Leeds United play under Bielsa’s tutelage is, basically, the SAME every game. But it’s not boring is it? Even when we are losing, it’s still exciting to watch. We are the epitome of “hitting on the break” as much as we are the personification of being “caught on the break”. I am pretty sure that there are plenty of stats to reel off about how many miles (not kilometres now we are out – down with decimalisation!) Kalvin has covered on the pitch or how many Premier League teams Bamford can be classed as playing for ( does coming on for 39 minutes really count as a Burnley career?) to use as a filler when someone goes down in a tackle.

I know, it may be unfair for me to criticise them as I have never been in their shoes, but I am stuck having to watch and listen to them and not really doing this by choice. I’d MUCH rather be watching it live at the game, but I can’t. At least they are being paid to do it. Having said that, if SkyTVisf**kings**t want to pay me to sit and watch Leeds United and provide the commentary, as long as I can have a drinkie or two, I’m pretty sure that I would do as good as, if not a better job of it, than the current lot.

I would certainly tell old Sean that he needs to be a far gracious loser, and that on the day, despite us having no proper centre halves and a keeper who looks like he is 12, the team pulled together, did the job and kept them at bay. Which is no mean feat for a newly promoted Championship team.