After the timing of the publication of my last blog spookily coincided with the press release from the Club regarding it’s move to “SeatGeek”, I must admit I was getting a bit worried that someone from our beloved Club was spying on me. I’m not sure why they would, seeing as my views seem to be on  a completely different wavelength to the Great and the Good at Leeds United. Unless of course they want to know what I think, so they can do the exact opposite, just to P*ss me off?

I am mightily worried about the surveillance state that we seem to be moving towards, not just from the “Papers Please” brigade in Carrie’s government, but also the Marching On To Ticketless rhetoric which is spilling from  the mouths of our current custodians.

The problem as I see it, is that what the fans want and what the governing authorities, be it Our Club, FIFA, UEFA, the FA, the PL, the EFL etc. want , are two completely different things. Just look at the failed (currently but it’s not going away anytime soon) European Super League. Whilst all the “Big” clubs in Europe thought the ESL  was a brilliant idea, keeping it all in the family. What I mean by “it” is money / TV rights / advertising and sponsorship. Little did they realise that we, the British public, would be so against it.

I do not use the term “British public” lightly either. As it was a massive thing at the time. Even people with no interest in football whatsoever were getting involved in the debate. There was commentary, debate and opinion from Parliament, daytime telly, afternoon telly and even in the local hairdressers, let alone all the usual sports media and social media channels. Some of these people had never even watched a game on the telly, let alone been to a football game. But there they were, all identifying and sympathising with the Blossom Hill rose swigging demonstrators outside the Theatre of Wet Dreams.

It’s pretty amazing that this Elitist ESL could spark off such a massive furore, when realistically the Rise of The European Super Losers League would only impact harshly on actually a very small number of people. The suffering souls would be the matchgoing fans who would have fork out MORE money, time, effort, annual leave, holiday time with their families,  watching their team churn out the same rubbish, all over Europe. The actual benefit, would be to those people who want to watch and bet on football all the time, which according to the True Gods of Football, is everybody. And of course the money men who rule our game would be loving it, because they would be raking in the spondoolies.

The principle of it though was the fact that it was the Middle Class Entitled Elite telling us what to watch and enjoy. That was the crux of it. It was a classic example of the Rich telling the Poor what they should do for the greater good. Surely all these European Giants of Football knew what was best for the fans? Surely the football fans would only fear to tread in the footsteps of the custodians of the best clubs in the world?

The only way to sum it up is that they are on a completely different wavelength.

Like many things going on at the moment, there is a huge disconnect between us and our masters. I could go all political but I’ll leave that to the professionals. I’ll concentrate on football.

For those of you who aren’t lucky enough to have a season ticket, I’ll let you know what is going on. We have all been sent an email telling us how to renew our precious piece of plastic. The Club have taken on a new ticketing stakeholder – SeatGeek. This company is currently being used by other PL clubs like Citeh, Livarpool and Spurs, and some US sports clubs, to supply their entry systems. We have to log on to the new ticketing site, but you can’t use your old password (pa$$word), you get a link sent to your email to reset it and then you get redirected to this new site which will enable you to buy your “ticket”.

Let’s take you back to the old days.

Now in Ancient Times, you could of course just pay on the gate to get in (like at Villa away in 2018). Or if you were fit and daring enough, you could just climb over the wall at Lowfields. You didn’t really need to buy a ticket before the game – just turn up at 2.45pm on a Saturday (Yes! A Saturday!), and you could pay the man at the turnstile. Then we got these lovely little books with paper tear off slips that you used to stand there with, after having had a few jars, struggling to read what number slip you needed to tear off before you got to the turnstile. Every year you got a different coloured wallet. They were ace. You got a numbered tear off ticket for each game, which mysteriously never followed 1, 2, 3. It was always a random number, to keep us on our toes I suspect. Then there were vouchers for extra games, like Cup games (remember them?) after the numbered ones and I think in the 2000s ones you got vouchers for 10% discount on tat from the Club shop.

Here are some pictures for posterity

Then they decided that they would go to “cards” in the early 2000s. For our “benefit” of course, no more tearing off a paper ticket, just a piece of credit card sized plastic, that would get you in if you flashed it at the turnstile. That didn’t go down well initially, but we got there eventually.

We wondered why there was the move to plastic. “Progress” said some. Others, slightly more cynical, said it was more the fact that they wouldn’t have to man each turnstile, therefore save a bit of money. Hmmm – now there’s an idea! Hold that thought – it might crop up again.

Those of us who travelled away in the 80s had to get these new fangled Red Away cards (see picture, modelled by Knaresborough Secretary Dave (Lego hair) Rowson.

I think these were brought in after the riotous assembly at the end of the season at Birmingham in 1985. This may have been the last time we were allowed to pay at an away turnstile, until Villa in 2018, of course. After we got promoted, for “Our safety” we were all told that we had to get “Leeds United Away Cards” in order to get an away ticket. These were free to everyone who had a season ticket, it was just the hassle of getting a passport sized photo every season really. This cost money,of course, if you didn’t have a season ticket, just a tenner, but it was still money. It did cause a bit of a kerfuffle at the League Cup Final (against Villa in 1996) as some of the West Stand season ticket holders, who never travelled away, didn’t realise you needed an away card to get an ticket for the cup final, so they got a bit upset. Oops.

These were – wait for it – photo ID cards essentially. Those who were involved in discussions around away tickets not so long ago suggested that these be brought in, as an extra layer of security to ensure away fans were who they purported to be. These people obviously never remembered that we used to have them (because they weren’t going then???) and have forgotten that the exorbitant cost and extra admin hassle, made photocards a financial and logistical nightmare, and they were swiftly dismissed. Plus, no one ever looked at them anyway, especially not at 2.55pm when everyone turned up to the turnstiles en masse because we had been kept back by the Rozzers.

These morphed into the guise of “Premier Cards” in the early 2000s. Considering we then got relegated and relegated again not long after, the demise of Premier Cards was a given and we just changed to having to show our season tickets. If they ever bothered asking for it, that is.

I am reminded that the only other memorable fixture that was cash on the gate was at Odsal in 1986. Where the Rozzers insisted that the “all ticket” rules were scrapped. This was on the basis that West Yorkshire Police reassured Bradford City (and Leeds United) that the “cash on the turnstile” option was a far better way of controlling the fans in the ground. September 20th for those who cannot remember. We went 2 nil down. There was a brief incident with a chip pan and the rest is history. Here is the link for those of you who weren’t there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ym4QJTVegw

Away tickets used to be, just ask Eric and he would sort. People used to turn up at his flat and he would dish them out. Then B*tes chucked his toys out of the pram and ruined it all. After his hissy fit, you had to fax your away ticket request form in. This is Ancient History, if you really want the lowdown, somewhere in the blog archives I have spelt it out with a picture of the old forms that we used to have to fill in. Read all about it there.

Of course as pre requesite, you had to show your photocard at away games to get in. All for “safety”, you understand. The ticket had to belong to the person trying to get in with it. They wanted to know who was getting in, as they didn’t want any of the old hooligan mob from the 80s and 90s getting their sticky paws on away tickets. Much of the old hard core fans were undesirables, and in the spirit of the Premier League, they wanted families and a new kind of “fan” going. They wanted to move football away from the old traditional working class roots and open it up to the more upwardly mobile, new breed of “sports fan”. The sort of football fan who wanted to go for the experience and excitement, rather than just to follow the team .

SkyTVisf**kings**t. Ruining football for matchgoing fans since 1992.

So we turn to todays’ conundrum. Ticketless entry.

I don’t want it.

Someone in the pub said to me on Sunday “What you’d rather we go back to the tear off stubs?” I said ” Yes, they were fantastic”. I don’t want to rely on technology all the time. Technology is too unreliable. Some things cannot be improved with technology. Some things just don’t need improving. There’s the old adage again, if it isn’t broke – don’t fix it.

Take the breaking news regarding the Post Office Scandal. Hundreds of postmasters and mistresses falsely accused of fraud and theft. Why? Because of a faulty system which was meant to “improve” the Post Office efficiency. Now this may be one extreme example of system failure, but it is not like it still isn’t happening. Look at the “Track and Trace” system that the Government tried to implement, and the NHS app, and how much it cost – £37 billion well spent. I don’t think.

It’s hardly a shining example of brilliant technological advancement, is it? It didn’t work properly and most people who downloaded it, ended up uninstalling it because it either didn’t work or worked too well, pinging everyone that happened to stroll past you. When the PL made it part of the Covid rules, how many people just got a paper copy instead as the signal at ER was too unreliable?

Whilst I am at it, how many people have got the Sky VIP app to work on their phone? I can’t get it to work on mine, so as a Sky VIP Platinum customer, I can’t get any of the benefits. Sky – believe in butter.

On my latest yellow sticker trip to Marks and Spencer ( 3pm on a Sunday is a good time to visit I find), I was reminded about the flaws of doing everything on a phone. As usual, I picked the worse checkout to put my bargains on. At the front of the queue was a lady holding what seemed to be a huge bar of Galaxy (300g one) demanding that the cashier fetch the manager because she could not pay with her phone. The poor cashier was getting very embarrassed, but maintained a dignified tone of apology, as this customer was refusing to believe that it was the phone that was at fault, not the till.

What could possible go wrong with ticketless entry at ER?

We could ask the Citeh fans, who at the start of the season, having had this foisted on them without any consultation whatsoever, suffered long queues and a host of problems at the Etihad. The signal at Citeh is better than it is at ER, so you couldn’t even blame the poor reception. Could there be a situation where there are massive queues at the turnstiles because the ticket entry system isn’t working properly? A bit of congestion in a supermarket might be a bit of an inconvenience, but 30,000 people outside a football ground? Might be a bit more than a tiny bit of a hassle.

But why dwell on these negatives? What are the benefits?

According to the Leeds United website, the feedback from fans is that this is what they want.

Hmmm.

Anyone care to think back to the last thing that Leeds United said the fans wanted?

Was it perhaps the unmitigated disaster that was the new Club crest?

So, have the Club listened to the same group of fans again, then? No one I spoke to is in favour of etickets. In fact most are vehemently against them. As they are against the removal of the Pavilion as a pre match drinking place and cashless in ER. Who are these people that the Club are talking to?

You would have thought by now that it has dawned on the Club that the people that they are engaging with might not be most representative of the common or garden matchgoing fan. The ones they are engaging with may be on a completely different wavelength to the season ticket holders and members (when they can get a ticket) who attend games. These may have been the same fans who agreed that it would be a great idea to limit the exit points from the NW corner and the Kop for the first game of the season. Because that turned out so well didn’t it? Everyone being funnelled towards the gates at Lowfields, only to find that there was only one gate open. It was like the scene from 300 when the Persian Army were descending on Leonidas. It was only lacking a cliff to fall over.

My question is why do we need to change?

What is wrong with having season ticket cards and paper tickets? There is no green argument, paper is fully recyclable. One plastic card is hardly going to make any difference to the environment given the incredible volume of plastic pollution that is commonly known as the lateral flow tests, which we were forced to do every time we went anywhere for two years. These horrible plastic strips and the associated plastic paraphanalia, as well as the single use masks, gloves and PPE that the Government spent millions on ( and wasted as they had to send the rejects back as they weren’t fit for purpose ) have generated more environmental pollution in two years than all the farm animals in the world have ever done.

Just let us keep our season ticket cards and let us have paper tickets if we want to. Let us choose.

Let the Smartphone Elite have the option to live their lives addicted to their devices, if that’s what they want. But the Digitally Excluded must be allowed to come and watch Leeds United too.

Or is it, in a similar vein to the introduction of plastic season ticket cards, more that the saving is linked to having to have less ticket office staff and less staff at the turnstiles?

But then the question is, when your phone / device doesn’t work, who do you go to? Do you end up ringing some helpline 1000 miles away, waiting in a queue, whilst being reassured that “your call is very important to us”, because you digital ticket isn’t registering? If the eticket comes centrally from SeatGeek, can the ticket office staff actually do anything if it doesn’t work? Will there be any matchday ticket office staff at all if all the tickets are electronic? Hmmm – there’s a thought. Where have I heard this before?

Matchgoing fans matter. Our views matter. The old gits that sit in the Kop and the NW corner should have as much voice as those in the South Stand. In fact, if those in the South Stand think that it is right to chuck coins and bottles etc. on the pitch, then maybe The Club shouldn’t be listening to them at all, because that is not what football is all about. Same as it isn’t about glorifying the excessive antics of a growing number of Leeds fans who just want to goad home fans and get drunk and drugged up at away games.

At the Livarpool game on Weds night, as a mark of respect and solidarity to our fellow football fans, the LUSC exec met with The Spirit of Shankly group and laid a wreath at the Memorial Plaque for the 97. This is what football is about.

Apparently social media was all about us losing badly and the usual doom and gloom mongers saying that The Club needed to have invested in the January transfer window and that there is no future in the Club. But there’s more to football than squandering £100 million on the next Jean Paul Augustin. Speak to a normal matchgoing fan and they would be content with not having a 1950s crumbling relic of a West Stand and somewhere to drink and meet up with their mates before the game. They’d be happy with cheaper and better food and drink and better facilities. We’d be happy if our players just didn’t get injured all the time and our games didn’t get moved at the drop of hat by the True Gods of Football.

We would be happy if we could just go to a football game and enjoy it, and come back home.

Our greatest respect to the families and friends of the 97.

Always Leeds Always Loyal

It sounds a bit greedy, it sounds a bit needy but PLEASE put us first.

I’ve done many pieces over the years around the subject of how marginalised I personally feel by the rise of “modern football”. They’ve been under the banner of “Fans Don’t Matter” and in the main, they’ve been a lighthearted look into  how abandoned I feel by the money men and TV companies that are the “True Gods of Football”. I suppose there’s been the odd one when I’ve blown my fuse and had a rant, but it’s been deserved.

I personally feel that long standing supporters like myself aren’t valued by, well, just about everyone really. I’ve pledged my undying allegiance to Leeds United, and I’ve spent a long long time unconditionally following my beloved team all over the country and the world. I’m not alone in this, there’s thousands more like me who win, lose or draw support Leeds United. We put our club first, it’s about time Leeds United put us first.

I will never tire of saying it either. It’s not selfish, it’s the truth. Those of us who tirelessly supported Leeds, home and away, when we got relegated, and relegated again, and still steadfastly turned up to cheer them on at those horrible crappy grounds (and not just to tick off one of the 92 either), all deserve to get away tickets, this season, next season and for however long we stick with it. We know who these people are, probably only 1000 maybe, who went to the majority of the aways, so it’s probably less than half of the normal away allocation in this league.

The Club know who they are, they could tell us, but they won’t. They should be proud of these supporters, they should be proud of our loyalty and we should be celebrated and acknowledged.  Any other club who are proud of their fans would. At least this season they have given us the “Super Away Attendees” , so at least there has been some recognition of loyalty over the last 10 years. Selfishly, I believe this recognition of our loyalty  should be maintained should be continued, in perpetuity. We aren’t going to live forever, if these last 2 years have taught us anything, it’s that we should value these things, before they are lost. Please put us first.

Why am I digging this up again?

Not just access to away tickets, this time. This time it’s properly about match going fans, primarily the safety of match going fans.

Ah! Now you’ve clocked it.

Everybody knows what happened at Chelsea. We have all seen the scenes on social media about the calamity in the shoddy Shed End at Stamford Bridge. Those of us unlucky to get caught up in it, experienced the mayhem first hand. Surprisingly some had no idea it had even happened until they heard about it afterwards. Many of us complained, some sent in videos for supporting evidence. The result? The usual cover up and as usual the blame was on us – the fans. For those of you who haven’t seen the official response, see snapshot below.

For once, our experience wasn’t in isolation.

Unfortunately, another near miss at the turnstiles occurred, this time at our own club. For those of you who haven’t seen the shocking scenes, here’s a link to The Chronicle

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/watch-moment-newcastle-united-fans-22858546

Put fans first.

The above two incidences are two extremes of how little match going fans are engaged with. There are many less extreme examples of how fans don’t matter at ER. The loss in pre match facilities for families has been previously highlighted in this blog. The move to give the Pavilion over to the Corporate Animals has meant that short of cramming into Billys or The Peacock, there is no place to meet family and friends for a pre match drink or some scran.

The introduction of cashless systems has forced many into not buying anything in the ground ever again. It was done in the name of convenience, but has it made much difference in the queues? It’s difficult to say at the moment because it’s winter, but when it gets warmer, will the service be better and more efficient, or will they still run out of beer, like they did at the start of the season? There hasn’t been much difference in the quality of the food or alcohol by all accounts – but I don’t buy anything anymore – so it’s just hearsay.

Electronic payment, well electronic systems are my bugbear full stop.

As we saw with the (now redundant – hopefully forever – papers please) passport, there were all sorts of issues because the signal at ER is so poor. Even though the PL rules said that you needed to show proper electronic ID, people were forced to take screen shots of their pass or (Heaven Forbid!) print it out on a piece of paper.

They are even stadia round the country who are pushing paperless e tickets. Given the problems with the turnstiles already, it’s not looking good is it? There’s nothing wrong with paper tickets and season ticket cards. Would they be any more difficult than e tickets? Probably not. Are they anymore environmentally challenging? Probably not. At least they wouldn’t be dependent on getting a signal on your phone and having enough battery on your phone. Yet, they tell us e ticketing and cashless is they way forward, and having the choice isn’t. Put us first.

Realistically, it’s not about what fans want, it’s what PL and clubs want. It’s probably to do with making all stadia “One size fits all”, so all the clubs are all the same. Who wants that? We value our individuality. Each club is unique. Who wants to be another identikit club, with an identikit ground and identikit fans? Ah! Therein lies the answer – it’s not about the fans, it’s about the commercial enterprise that is “Modern Football”.

I can see behind the scenes there are deals with e ticketing firms, internet security, infrastructure companies who make turnstiles, electronic supplies, etc. etc. etc. all partners with the PL, FIFA and UEFA, all with vested interests to make each club, in each country, all use the same companies and facilities. All in the name of progress and convenience, but in truth, it’s all about money and contracts. All of these companies will all have deals selling on your data as well, to make more money out of us. The digitally excluded will be just that. Excluded. If you can’t afford the phone / device , that’s your luck out. Just like trying to order tickets – if you don’t have decent broadband reception and a decent device, don’t even bother.

If the turnstiles were all manned, like they used to be, would there have been the problems experienced at Chelski? Would there have been issues at the West Stand with the visiting Geordies? Who can say? But I doubt it. It’s supposed to save money on staffing I’m guessing – but fans should come first and no money saving measures should compromise fans’ safety – surely?

This season we’ve actually managed to visit Spurs, Arsenal, Chelsea etc. and seen the impact on the grounds when all the corporate hospitality all disappear at half time. The stadia are soul less and needed the managers running up and down the touchlines to stir up the noise and support from the home fans. I’ve heard that they deliberately sell more corporate tickets, at a premium price, to those who can afford it in order to keep the prices down for the normal fans in the cheap seats. Well, after speaking to a few season ticket holders from these London clubs, there isn’t much sign of that helping them out with their match day prices. If and when ER gets its’ make over, what is going to happen to us? Are we going to sacrifice swathes of seats for the corporate animals, just so we can keep our season ticket to less than £600 a year? Is ER going to end up cheap but bereft of atmosphere? Are there going to be anymore proper seats for normal fans, or is it going to be full of corporate entertainment? 

There’s mention year after year of the ticket prices of the German clubs compared to ours. It gets brought up every season about how the Chairmen in the Bundesliga are proud that they don’t charge their fans anywhere near the prices that the PL charge. Because they value the fans. Tonight Boro are playing Sc*m in the Cup. I believe Sc*m are charging the Boro fans £46 quid! Scandalous. Mind you they charged us £42 and that was yonks ago.

The PL boasts that it is the best league in the world, yet the Bundesliga treats fans better than the PL does, not just in ticket prices but the standard of food and facilities. You’ll not see the Germans paying nearly a tenner for a nuclear chicken balti pie and flat lager.  

No doubt though, in future years the PL will also try to bring in an identikit price for season tickets and match day tickets, to go with the identikit stadia and identikit fans in their bid to standardise everything. However, at least away tickets have been capped, so there is one tiny glimmer of hope.

Put fans first.

To conclude, this week Derby have been given another stay of execution. Some might not sympathise much with them after the Fat Frank shenanigans, but as I said before when I wrote about Bury and Bolton, this isn’t the fault of the fans. Once again, the problems at Derby County are down to the greed of the money men. Like so many clubs, ours included under B*tes, the fans are always the ones who suffer the most. The fans are the last to know (if in fact they ever find out) about what is happening behind the scenes in the boardroom.

The Chairmen, the owners, their accountants and their lawyers, in cahoots with greedy agents and oligarchs, chicken farmers, small nation states and businessmen with big mouths but shallow pockets and all manner of shady figures lurking in the shadows, they control everything. If it goes wrong, they move to their next vanity project.

The fans? We are left to suffer with the fall out. They’ll all be there though, piteously wringing their hands in public,  pretending they didn’t see it coming, whilst in private they are blaming their accountants for not managing to fiddle the figures better, and their lawyers for not leveraging up the loopholes properly.

It’s a romantic ideal that they should put the fans first.

But we have to dream about something right? Other than having a fully fit first team.

The full original quote of “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness” was said by Oscar Wilde sometime in 19th century.

I concur with that, so there is no point repeating what has been said about Bielsa and our magnificent 3-2 victory at the London Stadium last weekend. Enough had already been said in the days / weeks since we last won a game. Most of it negative, most of it slagging off Bielsa, Orta, the Leeds United board, the Leeds United physio and training staff – blah, blah, blah. The majority of it has been said from all those renowned Premier League managers off of facebook and tw*tter – and by jingo – how right they were, weren’t they? They all called the result of West Ham on Sunday correct – didn’t they?

You know the ones, they’ve all been in the managerial / coaching game forever and their names have been on the tips of the tongues of the chairmen and owners at Chelski, Arsenal, Scum and Citeh every time one of those teams gets kicked out of a tournament, or goes on a losing streak. They are all master tacticians and speak from years, decades even, of on field experience and spend hours endlessly examining and analysing every available bit of video from every club in the PL for the last 20 years. They have extensive knowledge of sports science and psychology and are in possession of every dietetic and nutritional qualification known to man.

Oh wait, no that’s a complete lie.

None of the keyboard warriors on Noseybook and Tw*tter have any actual managerial / coaching experience outside of opening the box off FIFA and sticking the disc in. Some don’t even have that. Some only started calling it “football” about 2 seasons ago. Some didn’t know Leeds United existed BB – before Bielsa.

Harsh? Nah – not really. 

Is imitation the sincerest form of flattery though? I’m not sure, especially in the instance when someone copies and pastes something you have written and pretends that they wrote it. Once bitten, twice shy. Three times just plain careless. Copy and paster wasters as I like to call them!

But in the case of Sam Smith v Tom Petty and Vanilla Ice v Queen (I’m afraid you younger readers are going to have to look that up) – imitation actually costs you quite a bit of money. Especially if you don’t have the decency to ask first.

When it comes to music plagiarism I’m guessing there is only a finite number of notes and only a finite number of combinations of said notes that can be put together to make something sound good. But, honestly, the likes of Sam Smith and Mark Ronson / Bruno Mars, at the very very least, should have bothered to ask the old dinosaurs ( aka Tom Petty and the Gap Band ) that they were ripping off, before they put their name to their music. It’s not like they couldn’t afford to slip them a bit of cash in royalties. Sadly though, another case of the Entitled Elite thinking they could get away with it. Tight gits!

Another example of songs / intellectual property being dis or should that be misappropriated is those songs at football.

There is no doubt that Marching On Together is a Leeds song – could any other team pull it off? I doubt it.

Traditionalists were surprised when our run out tune was changed to Tin Tin Out’s Strings Of Yasmin in our European heyday, and then for a while ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ from Rocky by Survivor. But there can be no confusion when “Going Home” from that great film Local Hero comes on at St James’s Park. There’s no doubt at all that “Mull of Kintyre” will be sung at the City Ground. Same with the Gerry and The Pacemakers’ version of the Rogers and Hammerstein Carousel song,  “You’ll Never Get a – sorry Walk Alone” at Anfield and the theme from Z Cars at Goodison.

But even then, the famous Z Cars was stolen off Everton by Watford as it was Bill McGarry, the managers favourite TV programme at the time, apparently. Plus after Watford, played it once, they went on a 20+ game winning streak. When Watford got taken over by Elton John, the music got changed to “I’m Still Standing” – and then the Hornets got relegated! I have to acknowledge though that ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ has actually been played at Celtic and sung by the Yellow Wall at Borussia Dortmund too.

There’s the controversy over classic hits like “Liquidator” at Wolves, which in 2002 was banned because the Rozzers didn’t like the words “F**K Off West Brom” being shouted at the end of it. They now sing “Hi Ho Wolverhampton” (Jeff Beck) apparently, but we’ll have to wait until March to find out. I’m looking forward to Leicester who, unusually, have the PostHorn Gallop as their run out tune, surprisingly I can’t remember much about the last time we were there. Something to do with hunting foxes I am guessing.

So we can’t say that songs actually come under the remit of “intellectual property” when it comes to football fans and clubs – apart from Marching On Together, The Ballad Of Billy Bremner or any number of songs from that Leeds cd. There’s obviously some exceptions when it comes to anthems / songs that the players walk out to, but what about football chants?

The newest / latest Leeds chant is “follow, follow, follow”. To me that’s a Sc*m song I’m afraid. According to G*ggle it’s  Rangers and some it’s Boro. You can look it up and you’ll see the lyrics from years gone by which go with the songs, so don’t shoot the messenger, I do fact check some of my stuff!

Follow Follow Follow –  I certainly wouldn’t sing it – but then I could never bring myself to sing “Dennis Wise’s Barmy Army ” either, in fact almost spat out my Bovril when I heard the Misled and Misguided sing it at ER in the B*tes Days of All Pain and No Gain. What you sing at football is down to personal choice at the end of the day. Some of the chants or music , like Z cars have decades long associations with football. Some songs were originally catchy excerpts from either some classical music or old War songs etc. Some have been filched from 90’s classics like “Go West” from the Pet Shop Boys. Who, from those old enough to remember the video from that song, wouldn’t think that this tune would still be rattling around now, 30 years on, at just about every football ground in the country? Certainly not Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe.

Which brings us nicely round to West Ham again. I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles is their very annoying song, which has the most bizarre beginnings which, having investigated it, I’m not even bothering to share – cos it’s so boring. At the “Other Boleyn Ground” aka the London Stadium, we suffered in the Cup game, with our massively depleted squad. We had a bench of youngsters because we had so many disastrous injuries. We could have “played the game”, like some clubs, and got the match called off because we couldn’t field a full first team side. But that’s not Bielsa’s way. We could have moaned and whinged about it and berated our medical team and blamed the owners for not investing more money. But that’s not Bielsa’s way. Every pundit and hack and armchair fan / keyboard warrior was waiting in the wings to jump ship and claim that we were going down with the Norwich, with Bielsa at the helm. 

But we didn’t, we played with the team we could – because that’s Bielsa’s way. And while West ham were forever  blowing bubbles, Bielsa was bursting them. Because that’s his way. Imitation is the most sincerest form of flattery, but everyone is mediocre when it comes to the mastery of Bielsa.

photo removed 4/07/2025 as requested

Thanks to the Guernsey press for the photo

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fguernseypress.com%2Fsport%2Fuk-sport%2F2022%2F01%2F16%2Fmarcelo-bielsa-praises-desire-of-leeds-players-after-win-at-west-ham%2F&psig=AOvVaw059Ir24F9oYLB9Gcs2vpJO&ust=1642880653742000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAsQjRxqFwoTCNCyudbNw_UCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAP

Merry Christmas Folks! Thanks again go to Former Branch Secretary, Dave Rowson for the article below. It is a mish mash, I think you younger ones call it a “mash up” nowadays, of the last few away days, as Spurs, Brighton and Citeh all basically merged into one. The MPO has reserved “Publisher’s Notes” on the text, but unlike the Editor of “We’re not Leeds – WE ARE LEEDS” , nothing “pervy” has been taken out!

The influencer

Since The Chairman’s arrival on social media, that fateful day 23^rd April 2018, when Dave Rowson setup his Facebook account with him at the Swan on the Stray, the world has changed for ever.

Taking to Facebook like a duck to ice skating, The Chairman soon got to grips with growing his followers. Indeed, he soon got to grips with a particular follower, a lady who sent the kids out and invited him around for some tuition in IT. Telling Rouse this story at the Knaresborough bed race in June, Rouse said, “bloody hell, been on Facebook for years, nowt like that has happened to me!!!”

He had a few teething problems getting used to Facebook etiquette at first, re sharing (posts not the lady above). He nearly got himself threatened to be blocked by a few folk, and he also continues to like all his own posts. He has now steadily built his followers to the 5k limit, and now operates a waiting list system, on a “one in one out” basis. Average waiting time for men – 18 months, average waiting time for women – 18 seconds. Running the operation from home on his iPad, he has to take a break from proceedings when out and about, and carries his traditional Nokia brick phone, he’s no plastic fan taking pics in the ground! He assures us though that his brick phone is in constant contact with the control room at home letting it know his whereabouts.

Publisher’s notes – it’s technically called a “candybar” phone as The Secretary has a Nokia 3210 that still works and the MPO still has a functioning Nokia 6700, all classics of their time!

We first noticed the impact of The Chairman’s arrival on T’internet, when he began asking Dave to check him into pubs on away trips. Arriving in a town at 11am and the pub quiet, once Dave checked him in, the pubs always got far busier for knowing The Chairman was in attendance, (not that they had just opened). The presence of The Chairman attracted folk from far and wide to the town and these specific establishments ( according to The Chairman’s infinite wisdom ). This also happens coincidentally, on an evening out in Harrogate. You go out at 5pm, all’s quiet, by 9pm or 10pm its heaving. Below we see a graph of Charley’s impact on the footfall of his chosen venues, next slide please. As you can see this is proven by the analysis of the branch’s top scientist, the Membership Officer, Mr Roy Flynn.

However, it has now gone way beyond this, and the knowledge that his reach expands to his Chinese 8 million followers, has made him one of T’internet’s biggest influencers.

Pop stars now seek him out to promote their tours. He is in regular contact with Hazel O’Connor, Thereza Bazar (Dollar), Susanna Hoffs (Bangles) and now Anita Doth (2 Unlimited). However, when asked about Kate Bush, one of his favourite songstresses, he says ‘no, she doesn’t run her own account and she’s a bit of a nutter in real life’.

Publisher’s Notes – in defence of Kate Bush

1) Kate Bush has brought out a new book, published in November 2021, and she is happy to leave her music as her preferred way to communicate.

2) A bit of clarification of the difference between a “fruit” and a “nut”

His opinions of Kate Bush notwithstanding, The Chairman is now adamant he can make or break venues or individuals based on his T’internet influence. Several bars have suffered as a result of not allowing him entry on a Saturday night, I think as they are worried about being swamped and not having enough staff on (it’s the only explanation as they sometimes still let the rest of us in).

Warm drinks at football –  Bring Back The Bovril!

The Chairman’s power has most recently been demonstrated when on the way to Brighton, The Chairman began a conversation about drinks in football grounds and specifically warm drinks in winter.

The Chairman told us that his favourite warm drink at football was Bovril. However, he recounted a trip to Everton 21st March 1991, a night match second leg of the final of the ZDS Cup no less.

Publisher’s Notes – ZDS Cup was a tournament held between 1985 and 1992 when English clubs were banned from European football because of some very poor behaviour on Belgian soil by some scallywags (checked – I’m allowed to use this term). Younger readers – look it up, a very inglourious part of Liverpool’s history. 

It was a very cold night and the Chairman wanted his favourite Bovril drink however, on getting to the refreshment stand, it had sold out of Bovril (bumper 12k crowd) asking what they had left to drink, he was offered a Slush Puppy!!

Rouse then recalled one of the first Sunday games we played, was away at Hull in the 80’s. Taking advantage of not playing on a Sunday morning he had gone all “Promotion Klich” and got totally hammered (doesn’t need an excuse now not playing, Rouse not Klich). Nearly sleeping in, and missing the bus, he ran it back home to get the tickets, but on arrival at the ground, no tickets were required so they could have been left. He says the only thing that could remove the hangover was the chicken soup served in the ground. Spookily I am sure these were Klix instant soups and used to have machine at office where Rouse worked.

Publisher’ Notes – you can still get these at Nissan Sunderland for a bargain 55p according to Top Gear

Anyway, The Chairman decided at Brighton there should be a “Bring Back The Bovril” campaign for football grounds, and that Leeds United Supporters Club should champion this under the “Get It Back at Elland Road” campaign.

On the trip to Chelsea, he informed us that he had been in touch with Bovril via Facebook and suggested they return to football grounds. Instantly, it seems his influence once again paid off, as at Manchester City on the Tuesday they had reinstated Bovril in the ground.

So, I am sure there will be a tidal wave of Bovril across the country now in football grounds.

If you need anything promoting contact The Chairman on Facebook, (not you Rooney, Derby can @@@@ off!). You would need to be the right sort of approach to get on The Chairman’s radar anyway, possibly a sales cougar?

I bet you’ll have a Bovril now!!!

So, if you want to grow your brand or want a brand destroying, check-in with Chairman Charley. (Now there’s a thought, ‘Evening & Merry Christmas Prime Minister’)

The Chairman’s Christmas Message

Merry Christmas from the Chairman, hope you get something in stockings this Christmas too!!

It’s been a while since the last Chairman Charley, I’m sorry to say. The Chairman has been getting a bit uneasy about the lack of news to keep all his followers updated, but hopefully this chapter will go a bit of the way to easing his pain.

Thanks to ex Branch Secretary and now published author, Dave Rowson for the text. This Chairman Charley is bound to be a lot better than the usual tat that I do.

Cars pains

The Chairman has had a few difficulties lately, namely the breakdown of the trusted motor that took him down to Luton and back in 2019. Dave and Entertainment Secretary, Andy Yates, still talk fondly of that memorable trip. Most notably the “Keep death off the road – drive on the pavement” moment when The Chairman mistook a flower bed for a roundabout on the way to pick up Ripon Kev (HUNTY to his mates) on that very foggy morning, and ended up on the pavement.

After that little mishap though, he was the model driver, and did a sterling (Moss) job the rest of the journey.

The Chairman’s car, by the way, you’ll be pleased to know, has been fixed and is all present and correct. Luckily when his car broke down, he was literally outside the garage. When the recovery man turned up declared that the clutch was D.O.A, he asked Charley where he wanted the car taken to for repairs. The Chairman pointed across the road, and said, over there. It was the shortest trip to a recovery garage the mechanic had ever undertaken. You know The Chairman – always glad to be of assistance.

Spurs pain

Unfortunately, his car was the least of his worries on the way to Spurs the other week. The major concern was his body letting him down. Rest assured, ladies, that department is OK, the issue was more to do with his left arm.

The Chairman informed us that he had got a bit of a bad back, and had tried some Deep Heat to no avail, so he decided to use some Voltarol. Since then, his left arm had been aching and giving him grief. It wasn’t only his arm that was giving him grief, as Spurs hailed the return of our driver Jonathan. The usual front of the bus banter of “It’s not a bus – it’s a coach” (now that could be a good title for a book) , had already begun when he may have took umbridge when Dave might have suggested that the coach was a little late to his pick up stop outside Halfords.

In response to this banter, the banter further ensued when The Chairman drew the comparison to Star Trek when Sulu and Chekov sat in front doing the driving, with the main characters sat behind them in chairs, telling them what to do.

The Chairman must have been in some pain as he curtailed his pubstop early, returning to the coach as he was in agony. He was offered a massage in a local establishment on the way back to the bus, he says. But he assured us that he turned the offer down.

In the ground, he managed a smile for the camera though. Well there was a lady involved!

After visiting the shiny stadium in a shithole of an area, The Chairman’s pain seemed to be getting worse on the return journey. The on board doctors of Rowson and Smuff PhD, MFI, GPS, MD 20/20 were suggesting a heart attack or stroke. The MPO suddenly paid attention as we were nearing home and said “I thought you were just taking the piss! I would have taken a look if I had realised. Is it swollen?” The reply “Are we still talking about the arm”. Well you can see why, the MPO thought he was joking, can’t you?

On the return to Harrogate, Sulu and Chekov were suitably concerned enough to divert the bus to Harrogate Hospital, and he was delivered to the door of A&E.

Brighton. A story of snow, wind and pain.

Storm Arwen meant a 7 hour picturesque trip down the M1 with jack knifed lorries and snowy diversions a plenty. Fortunately, this gave The Chairman plenty of time to tell us stories of his time in the NHS whilst nursing his pain. When a patient kicks off in the waiting room and gets thrown out, you know it’s not going to be a good night.

When it was The Chairman’s turn to see the out of hours GP, he got sent to wait in an empty room. There was a desk in there with a phone on it, but no doctor. After 30 minutes of waiting, the phone rang and The Chairman eventually decided he best answer it. It was the GP! The Chairman remarked that he could have gone home and they could have rung him there. Dave is not sure if the GP had asked him to put his arm in the air like the Swedish phone engineer in Stockholm in 1984, but it was diagnosed that the arm pain was due to the reaction to the treatments he had applied to his back. He was told not to do it again, and was given painkillers for the bus to Brighton.

After the pubstop in Lewes, we hit the Amex stadium and the sniffer dogs weren’t much cop as they didn’t sniff out his painkillers. The Chairman’s pain was further eased again, when he was plied with alcohol from Kirsty Palmer from Keighley again. She had given him some Capri-sun at Scum and now she gave him vodka and coke. Having a lady trying to spike him in the grounds this season is something The Chairman can cope with, and he has taken to singing the Patrick Bamford song to Kirsty. For inclusivity, he also had a picture taken with a bloke too.

Inner Circle pains (as opposed to inside leg pains)

For the journey home, The Chairman gave us news of his latest entry to his Inner Circle. Contacted on facebook by his first girlfriend from New Park Primary School, she is planning a visit from her Australian base to the UK. After seeing the A&E visit on facebook, she contacted The Chairman to say she wished she could be there to take his pain away. He also informed us he had received other feedback suggesting things he couldn’t do to himself but insisted it’s his left arm and he’s right handed – clearly no Ronnie O Sullivan. (Just would like to point out here, that these words belong to Dave Rowson – NOT the MPO).

The Chairman is now trying to work out how to be in pain when she visits. He rejected a proposal to do the Escape To Victory keepers broken arm, and possibly, as she has been in Oz a while, is going to claim that an escaped snake bit him down below and the poison needs removing.

But Ladies you ease The Chairman’s pain ( I have no idea what that means by the way – it’s what Rowsey wrote)