We’ve all done it.
You’ve packed your football bag for the day. You’ve got on the train, stacked everything on the table and posted the obligatory photo of your efforts on social media along with your train and match tickets. Got your cards out and settled down with the two Stella four packs that you bought for a bargain 8 quid at Asda. These might see you through the long trip to Barnsley, along with that crate of Dark Fruit your mates’ mate brought along. You pull the first can off those genius plastic rings,which David Attenborough will kindly show you again six months later, decorating the neck of a baby dolphin, crack it open – job done.
The equivalent in Scotland, is you’ve packed your bag, drunk all you can on the train, got off the train, stashed your bag with the leftovers behind the big bins, in the usual spot to pick up after the game (austerity hurts) you know who you are Inverness One(!) ….. and the day begins.
Anyway, you get home 16 hours later, unpack your bag and in the bonus gift that just keeps giving, after that two -one win that day, you find two tins of Stella stuck to a Mars bar wrapper and covered in crumbs from that lonely packet of the multipack mini cheddars, that was attached to the inside of the pack, and burst when you opened it.
It’s happened to us all. Probably to everyone who has ever bought a multipack of mini cheddars, blasted glue gun sticking the top one to the packet, but a rare treat for someone to find two cans that got missed though.
So what to do with the two cans? The discussion on Saturday was not led by The Chairman. He was too busy trying to get comfortable on (and off) his seat whilst singing along to “Linger” by The Cranberries intermittently. He appeared at one point to be, what can only be described as, scaling the mountainous peaks of row 2 which he was sharing with Ex Secretary Dave Rowson. After all that effort, which was basically the equivalent of consecutively conquering Everest and K2, The Chairman finally got sorted and fell asleep. It was deemed too harsh to disturb him after that momentous feat.
The answer? Harrogate’s equivalent to The Jamie and Jimmy Friday Night Feast on the Pier –
Sunday Morning Leftovers Club with Mick and Johnathon.
Q: What would you do with two cans of warm Stella then?
A: Have ’em for breakfast.
Q: Probably make your cornflakes at bit soggy?
A: Try them with your Weetabix then
Q: It’d make a right mess, fizzy Weetabix, bits floating everywhere.
A: No, put the Weetabix in a bowl, crack open a Stella, chuck the Weetabix, drink the Stella
Q: You could try and cook with the Stella?
A: It’d explode if you put it in the oven
A: No, cook with it, like in a recipe, with food. Bet Mary Berry could do it.
Q: Can you imagine, Mary Berry’s next cook book, Cooking with Stella? Best seller, that one. And then do it on Bake Off
A: Eh?
Q: Can you imagine? ……. and for your showstopper today, Mary and Paul would like you to create a masterpiece with a crate of Stella, a four pack of Dark Fruit, two bags of peanuts and a multipack of mini cheddars. You have four hours. Begin.
A: That would be one to watch. Plus the Dark Fruit would be part of your five-a-day.
A: Dark Fruit does NOT count as your five-a-day. It’s never been near a fruit. The nearest it’s been to fruit is the word “fruit” written on the outside of the tin.
Gourmet dining with Stella not Vesta
Q: What could you cook with it?
A: Anything
Q: Like what? Coq au Stella – doesn’t have the same ring to it. Beef and Stella pie?
A: Beef pie with a Stella
Q: No, like a beef and ale pie, but with Stella instead of ale
A: Can’t chuck a can of Stella in with stewing steak, it’d all go fizzy. Taste bloody awful as well.
Q: Surely, there must be something you could do with Stella?
A: Yeah, crack it open and drink it.
Leftovers?
Q: Best thing to eat on Sunday morning?
A: Leftover kebab. Got to be cold, straight from the box, on the floor by the telly, where you left it
Q: What if the dog has been at it?
A: Must have been alright then, if the dog’s ate it
Q: Nothing worse than waking up on the sofa, covered in takeaway from the night before
A: Better than waking up and finding a full KFC untouched.
Q: Eh?
A: When you wake up and find a garlic pizza bread with cheese, 10 piece bargain bucket and a mega mix tikka naan kebab that you ordered but fell asleep before you ate any of it.
Q: How does that happen?
A: If only I knew. Must have been a good night
Q: What do you do then?
A: Crack open a Stella
thanks to the gruaniad for the picture, which was the only place I could find a picture of those plastic rings!
