1st away of the season, sees our intrepid Chairman triumph by exploring and solving the climate change conundrum and then fall mercilessly (literally – almost) from grace by ignoring all the advice from the 1970s public road safety campaigns in pursuit of a tenner.

Climate change: (this all stemmed from a discussion about how the ridiculous media were slating the “shoddy” workmanship of the Victorian builders of the dam which has been damaged, despite the fact they built the dam in 1835 with wheelbarrows, spades and forks, no heavy machinery at all… and it is/was still standing after 175+years, up until 3 days ago)

The Chairman: All this climate change crap, it’s all rubbish. These stupid scientists spouting on about the environment, just a bunch of clowns.

A: Eh?

Chairman: Well in the 70s we were all being told to expect another Ice Age. And if all this climate change is due to humans, what pollution did the cavemen do to cause the first Ice Age then?

A: Point taken

Chairman: Then scientists in the 80s told us the hole in the ozone layer was going to get bigger and we would be fried to a crisp by the year 2000 . What’s happened to that hole? Oh it’s gone now. We’ve cured it. Humans cured it.

A: Difficult to argue with that.

Chairman: And remember when all the cities had smog?

A: No! When were you born?

Chairman: No I do. I remember Smog. A thick layer of it, no one could breathe, you could just see it hanging there for ages, a cloud of it.

A: ?

Chairman: We cured it. There was no climate problems back in the olden days. Bring back Smog. Simple. I’m gonna get that on a T shirt – Bring Back Smog

The Lunch of Terror: Tufty Club badge holder? Hang your head in shame.

For some bizarre reason The Chairman chose to treat the first ex Knaresborough Branch Secretary, Dave Rowson to a romantic Chinese luncheon at our refreshment stop.

Why? Who knows? Maybe the traditional away day repast of ‘Spoons mixed grill or All Day Breakfast didn’t take The Chairman’s fancy yesterday? Who knows what goes on in the comms chair of The Chairmans brain?¬† Unfortunately, for reasons which don’t need to be expanded on, neither of them could tell us exactly what they ended up eating which kept us on tenterhooks for – oh at least 60 seconds. Eventually it transpired that whatever they did eat involved a lot of Tiger beer and rice. Special fried or just plain boiled, is anyone’s guess. However, on leaving the Chinese, The Chairman made a schoolboy error dealing with his change. The famous, normally infallible inside pocket, came a cropper and a gust of wind caught that tenner and whisked it out into the road. It was like a 70’s style public infomercial in slow mo. And, just like the very traffic unconscious children of the 70s, The Chairman just ran out into the road chasing after a fluttering tenner. (In the 70’s it wouldn’t have been a tenner, it would have been a ten shilling note. If a ten shilling note had fluttered into the road in the 70s the cars would have been run over by the crowd of people chasing it). A scene of astonishment, confusion and bewilderment ensued. With onlookers aghast, holding their breath at the impending carnage, perhaps the imminent demise of The Chairman. Oh No! What would his 4,000+ followers do? Reports were, that The Chairman weaved across the road in a completely rabid Benny Hill moment with the ghost of the now pensioner squirrel, Tufty, standing at the pavement’s edge screaming “Stop, Look and Listen – you fool, how hard is it to remember?”.

The Chairman is herewith no longer a member of the Tufty Club.

Thanks to the badge collectors uk for this picture