The Wonderful World of Charley continues. Aided and abetted by Dave Rowson, front seat wing man Dave Poole featuring guest appearances from Sonia and the branch pedant. This week’s episode we pay homage to Star Trek cleaners, primary school assembly and second hand goods but firstly the 3,000

What are your top 5 things Charley, people are waiting desperately.

Q: Which people are waiting desperately?

A: My followers, 3000 of them

Q: 3,000? What do you mean followers? Are you their leader?

A: Followers, people who are following me. All these people who like me.

Q: Who are all these people? Isn’t it all a bit weird, people who you don’t really know, following you around. Isn’t that stalking?

A: There’s 3,000 of them, all waiting to see what I do next. It’s an army of followers, hanging on my every word.

Sonia: That’s what happened with another famous Charley……. Charles Manson.

Rowsey: Just tell me what your Top 5 is

Front of bus: KFC

A: No, that’s not my favourite

Front of bus: Yes it is, Leicester Forest KFC. The best KFC in the world. Next question..

A: Okay, KFC then

Best job in the world

If you were an actor and got given a part on Star Trek, can you imagine, you turn up on the first day and they say, you’re part of the landing party. I’d just say, thank you very much and get up and leave straight away.

Q: Eh??

A: That’d be it. You’d never be on again. Really, if you were going for a part, you’d be in with with one of the favourites, and say, no thanks, I’ll just stay up here with Scotty and fix the engines instead. I don’t want to go down to the planet.

Q: Well, if your part was a name you never heard of, I suppose?

Q: And why is it you never saw anyone else in that engine room? Why didn’t Scotty have a team of people to help. Why did he have to do it all himself?

A: Probably cos they had all gone down in a landing party to the planet and got killed.

Q: Well what were the rest of the crew doing on this 5 year mission? I tell you what, it was always very clean on The Enterprise. There must have been a load of cleaners on that starship. Imagine that, going all that way into space, trip of a lifetime, just to spend all day cleaning a starship. It must have took ages.

A: Yes, 5 years. At least they wouldn’t have to go down in a landing party to the planet .

Hymns at the Hawthorns

Q: Did you see they had The Lord is My Shepherd on that stand?

A: Yes, they must be very religious there. But they probably didn’t need His help today, we were awful in the 2nd half

Q: That’s a hymn you know. When we were at primary school, we all had to sing in assembly because we were Catholics.

A: I think everyone had to sing in assembly in those days, even if you weren’t Catholic

The Chairman: We used to sing Morning Has Broken, in assembly, that was my favourite

A: Great choice for the morning

Dave Poole: I got done for not singing, I couldn’t sing. I used to mime it.

A: What’s wrong with just miming it if you can’t sing? That’s a bit harsh. At least you were making an effort

Dave Poole: Was miming the wrong words

Mucky books (featuring “Life on Mars is the best song in the whole world ever”, Mr Pedant)

I would never choose to read a book if someone else had already read it.

Q: Eh???

A: I just like the smell of a new book, turning the pages no one else has turned. You know what I mean?

Q: So you wouldn’t read a book that someone else has opened?

A: No I prefer crispy untouched pages.

Q: So you would never go to a library?

A: Well that’s different, but I haven’t been to a library for years. I don’t think there are libraries anymore.

Q: But you would never get a book from the charity shop?

A: No, because someone else has already read it

Q: What about church? What do you do with the hymn books?

A: I just don’t like it when someone has left grubby marks on the pages

The Chairman: Yeah books when all the pages are stuck together

A: I’m not on about those sorts of books Charley

The Chairman: No. I mean when you can’t turn the pages at the top because someone has wet them

Dave Poole: I hate it too, all those bodily fluids sticking the pages together, it’s disgusting

The Chairman: Sticky pages, when you have spend ages peeling them apart

A: Christ, I really don’t mean those sorts of books!

Dave Poole: I don’t know what you are all on about, I’m on about when people have sneezed all over them, what were you all thinking?

Oh the innocence of it all…..