There’s a lot of anger and resentment right now about this weekends’ proceedings, and that’s just me, let alone anyone else.

I was disappointed and despondent after the game but I had faith and I could see the bigger picture with injuries and the mitigating circumstances of playing Sc*m, Livarpool and Spurs in short succession and the Gerrard and Fat Frank extenuating circumstances etc. I’ve been accused of blind faith, but frankly, when have I ever been bothered about what people accuse me of? I don’t even reply in most cases. But yesterday, yesterday hit me like a tonne of bricks. I can take a slap in the face with a wet fish, but this, this has completely floored me.

You just don’t do this. Bielsa wasn’t just our manager – to me he was family. No one disrespects family.

There’s no blood ties here, I’m not stupid, but he’s done more for our Leeds United family than anyone could ever have done. You don’t sh*t on your own doorstep.

So here’s my alternative “sorry – not sorry” dismissal notice. It’s bitter. Really bitter. I’m making no apologies if anyone gets offended.

Dear Marce

Thanks for the last 3 and a bit years, but let’s face it, you never did yourself any favours, did you? These last three games gave us the necessaries to force the push on you, but you had plenty of opportunities to push our platform and seal the brand, and basically you failed. You just took the actual game too seriously. All that professionalism, it’s not just about the 90 minutes on the pitch. It’s a business, and you just refused to market the brand to it’s optimum.

Now that you’re off, here’s a few pointers to help you for your next job. You might have a wealth of managerial experience, but you’ve gotta know how to handle the brand.

Dress sense.

That scruffy tracksuit and trainers was just never on trend. If you could have just worn a cap with our sponsors logo on, had a decent haircut so we could push male grooming products or just simply tried a pair of skinny jeans, so the fans could relate to you a bit more, it would have helped. We weren’t expecting you to be a snappy dresser like that Scott Parker at Fulham, but at least you could have tried to be a bit streetwise with a pair of snazzy Gazelles worn without socks.

Whilst we’re on that subject, the blue bucket was a good gimmick and you could have utilised it a bit more to our advantage. But realistically once everyone knew you could buy the bucket off Wish for less than a tenner, it was doomed. Even though Wish could get it made for cheapness in the PRC for 50p and they were flogging it on for a £9.50 profit, there wasn’t enough in it for the club, was there? Realistically, there was never going to be enough room in the superstore for us to flog those,in hope that people would turn up to get one and buy a bit of extra tat, whilst they were there.

We are completely blaming you for having to do that “warehouse fire sale” to get rid of last years stuff. We’ve planned for 5 different kits next season and it’s always cheaper just to get the job lot of all sizes in bulk. The fat b**stard sizes sell out really quick but the Club just aren’t doing enough to  attract  the right sort of fan. We need more S or XS sized fans, the young ones just don’t identify enough with you.


Your stubborn refusal to speak English and only go through that interpreter wasn’t winning us any decent social media likes. Your pre match interviews were just too long. Most fans were losing interest in them because you didn’t give us enough interesting soundbytes to make a Tik Tok. All that professionalism and using technical terms. The young ones just wanna hear some goss and news, not a proper update on injury lists. Even the retweets were just  the same old picture of you in a scruffy tracksuit. And whilst we are on about it or why couldn’t you just get a Twitter or Insta account? Not like we were asking you to go edgy with Tinder or even  Grindr was it? A few retweets and snapchats could have got us a much bigger social media presence, just a couple of Tik Toks with a cat would have done, think of the sponsorship. Image is really important.

You did us a great favour winning the Championship though. That Amazon series “Take Me Home” got us loads of kudos and we got to meet that bloke from Gladiator, Russel Crowe. Mind you, if you’d played your cards right, we could have got that bloke from Deadpool, Ryan Reynolds. He’s got a hot wife as well. But we missed that opportunity and he’s gone to Wales of all places. We’re just left with that bloke off Game of Thrones and Jon Bon Jovi. Seriously, are they still relevant? Who streams Bon Jovi songs nowadays? Even the songs they sing about you are old choons. If you’d only got the fans to sing current songs that we all know, like Drake, Dua Lipa or Lizzo even. The White Stripes thing is so old now, and I don’t even know where that Follow Follow thing came from. Think of all those Millenials who feel so left out, we need to value the Gen Zee.

If only you’d been less technical in those post match interviews and stopped accepting all the blame for everything. Even Warnock blamed Tom Lees. You could have just slagged off Tyler Roberts, everyone hates him anyway, that way you could have easily deflected the blame. You know the refs have been against us, just blame that git Friend, or shout at a linesman every now and again. At least Conte runs up and down the touchline, even Wagner did that 30 yard sprint to the goal line, a yellow card or two never goes amiss, it’s about exposure. It’s what the kids want. They need action, experience and excitement, not boring Bueno all the time sat on a Wish bucket.

Even when you did Spygate, why did you just sit there with a Powerpoint? Couple of Tik Toks would have seen it right. Done and dusted in ten. 3 hours of boring Windows, no one uses Microsoft anymore, MacBooks all the way, or at least use a tablet. We could have secured a great deal with Samsung. I never even saw you with an iPhone. do you even own a device? Plus you just needed to quote more stats. Stats that the betting companies are interested in, not actual meaningful stats. We need to know and quote percentage of passes. It’s irrelevant if the passes are just back to Meslier all the time. It still counts as an accurate pass, and will look good. There’s no room for the minutia like the truth. It’s all about percentages. The number of goals is boring, points sounds so much better for number crunching.

Way of Life

Effing Wetherby! You had to go live in a tiny flat in Wetherby when we refused to let you have digs at Thorp Arch. Shopping in Mozzers, of all places. At least you had your coffee at Costa, a proper brand, rather than at a local greasy spoon. You needed to live in some posh apartment block with famous neighbours. Shop at Waitrose, and use their green compostable bags. You can’t be using bags for life, you might as well be on some away day with your 24 cans of Stella and packet of speed. If you lived in the centre of Leeds, there could have been loads of photo ops of you cycling to work on the green super highway, think of the publicity. The only saving grace was Costa, was people would retweet Costa, no one is going to Insta at Mozzers.

Whilst we are on about it, why did you insist of taking photos with common fans. Where were the famous people? You could have milked the Ryan Reynolds thing and got us in the Marvel film. Think of the publicity. No, you just got photos with normal people and their kids.


The team needed more exposure. If you hadn’t have knackered them all out playing Murderball, they’d have had plenty of time to get on social media and we could have had another WAG war, like Coleen and Crouch’s missus. Lord Bamford and the other ones dropping kids could have made centre spread on Hello magazine. Another opportunity missed.

It’s a good job you did so well with Kalv. Him in the England team was great for Twitter. We got SO many retweets. If you weren’t so stubborn, we could have sold him to Amanda Staveley and those Saudis in the summer for £60 million. As it stands, we’ll rake it in anyway in the summer when Kalv and Rapha go to Liverpool and Rodrigo goes to Spurs. I reckon about £150 mill for all three. If only you’d signed more players with just one name. Every proper Premier League team has got at least three players in with just one name. Rapha, Rodrigo, Cher and Madonna. It just rolls off the tongue, would have been a great song set to Rizzo feat Cardi B.


The crowd do a good job making a bit of noise but it needs to be more relevant and there needs to be more fans on their iPhones like at Old Trafford. I’m fed up of these legacy fans. I’m hoping the plan with these new etickets just bamboozles the old gits and they forget to do them, or the website’s so confusing that they just give up anyway.These old season ticket holders just come to watch football and don’t spend enough in the club shop. Plus they take up all the seats that we want to give to my corporate mates. At least we will make a bit of money on 5 different strips next season. But we’ve conned them into this buy back ticket exchange, so newer more good-looking fans can come and buy the S and XS shirts. We’ll rake in a bit more ticket money as well, as we charge them extra for the same seat. These new fans will only want to come a couple of times a year, so it if they buy a shirt with a players name on it, by the time they come back, he’ll have gone, so they can splash out on another one to keeping them relevant and on point. If we play our cards right and hack these legacy fans off, they’ll all clear off anyway and there’s 22,000 on the waiting list for season tickets, so the market is always going to be there. Bonus that they’re paying an extra £10 on their £80 membership rate.

So, Marce, hope you find the tips useful.

Bygones, Cheers

The Guys

For those of you who don’t know the quote, I’m afraid you might as well just give up now. I’ve put the full quote in from Harry’s facebook page, so it kind of explains it a bit more. In case you don’t know what happened, it doesn’t end well for Harry either.